


Like The Way I Do

by dreamwalking78



Series: Hate Me Universe [2]
Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: F/F, Lost Time, Lots of Angst, WayHaught Au, gun violence in a later chapter, hate me universe expansion, smut warning, warning will be in beginning notes of that chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:07:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 25,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24592765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamwalking78/pseuds/dreamwalking78
Summary: Taking place after the original events of Hate Me, Nicole and Waverly start to unravel their past mistakes hoping to bring them closer to one another.
Relationships: Waverly Earp/Nicole Haught, WayHaught
Series: Hate Me Universe [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1777711
Comments: 302
Kudos: 331





	1. Roses

**Author's Note:**

> First, I didn't want to promote this fic, so if you're here that means you subscribed to my works and I appreciate that so very much. Mostly I don't feel this is the time for me to promote it, but the date of it starting meant something to me, so I decided to quietly let it go into the night to not distract from the very important messages that are being shared right now. 
> 
> I have a list of songs I listened to while writing this that I will release at a later time. First chapter is named after Juice Wrld's collaboration "Roses". I love Ellie Goulding, but it was his voice that I felt the emotion flow forth from when I listened to Hate Me. 
> 
> I also have pics that go with the fic. I am working on the best medium to post them in, but by the time the first pic is introduced, I'll have it ready for you guys to view.
> 
> A few notes on this fic. It switches perspectives, but once you get the flow, every chapter follows the same pattern. The first chapter starts in Waverly's perspective because it's how I felt I needed to start it. Otherwise each chapter starts with an entry from Nicole's journal in italics. We then switch to Waverly's perspective on what she's read. The final switch is to Nicole's first person perspective I originally used in the first fic. Hopefully it flows well enough no one is confused.

It’s what they had promised, to be completely truthful. As Waverly stared at the leather bound notebook before her, the edges of pictures hanging out, she felt as if she was intruding on Nicole’s inner thoughts. She had left after all, though it was Nicole that had broken things off back then, still she felt like being handed this part of her past was too much of a reveal. Nicole had assured her many times over that if she wanted a true look into how things were after she left, this was the best version.    
  
Waverly sighed, her breath swirling the steam rising up from her mug of Earl Grey cradled in her hands. Her eyes bored into the brown leatherbound notebook. The images sticking out were as tattered as the pages themselves. Nicole had jokingly stated it was as damaged as she was herself during that time.    
  
Waverly resolved that if Nicole was willing to share it, the least she could do was read it. Even if the contents killed her too. They both made their mistakes. Waverly knew now she should have fought for her and Nicole’s relationship. Nicole knew she should not have made the decision for Waverly. It was water under the bridge or at least she hoped it was. In the time since Wynonna’s confession, they had found forgiveness and understanding. Their romance picked up from where it had been that summer, the events of the fall buried deep. Would this step bog them back down into the mud and sink them there or finally could those waters be crossed forever?    
  
She took a deep breath as she undid the buckle holding the journal together. Her eyes were immediately greeted by the sight of Nicole’s handwriting. A sight she had grown to love seeing once again, now filled her with a sense of dread. Delving into old wounds hurt, but as she had told Nicole, they needed to do this. How could they keep moving forward if they didn’t even fully understand their past?   
  


\------------------------------------------------------------------------   
_  
_ _ I feel so stupid starting this, but I read somewhere it might help. Journaling everything seems like a waste, and I’m not even sure where to begin. Being at the academy gave me a chance to get out of the town that only reminded me of you. I’ve done a lot of processing since then. I’ve read that maybe if I address this to you, then maybe it will help more. So, here goes nothing. Hey Waves. It’s been fourteen months since your plane touched down in London. It’s been seven months since mine did as well. Six months and twenty-eight days since I realized I had nothing to offer you.  _

_ I can still see you there, the wind blowing your hair as you laughed at something you had just read. God you were so beautiful as you pushed a stray strand of your brunette locks behind your ear. My heart stopped, my hand held the box in my pocket tighter. If any doubts had lingered in my mind whether coming after you had been the right move, they were erased. I felt that stupid smile cross my face that I always got when with you. Undoubtedly my dimples were on display for everyone to see.  _

_ I reached for the camera that was constantly at my side. I raised the viewfinder to my eye, snapping a pic as you looked almost directly at me. I never wanted that image out of my mind. The shutter quickly clicked, taking multiple shots of you sitting at the bistro set on the busy London street. Little did I know that it would be the last image I would have of you.  _

_ I felt my confidence soar as I took a step out from the shadows I had been hiding in. Then he walked forward, perfect caramel skin. His dark hair waved in the wind as he walked up beside you and gave you a quick kiss. The way your hand raised caressing his face, stopped me.  _

_ The smile I had worn as I stepped forward quickly faded. My mind raced. You idiot, why are you here? You think she couldn’t move on from you? Did you really think you had anything to offer her? The breath left my lungs, my stomach dropped before twisting into knots that left me retching. I quickly retreated off the street. I still remember Big Ben chiming out the hour as I ran across Westminster Bridge my shoes hitting hard the surface. Tourists gathered along the edge taking pictures. My camera jostled at my side, but I didn’t give it a second thought. I ran until I reached my hotel room.  _

_ I struggled opening the door. My nerves caused my hands to shake while tears blurred my vision. Once inside, my back fell against the door. Slowly my body slumped down the hardened surface until I reached the floor. I struggled to breathe. The room was so hot. I was drenched in sweat. I pulled myself to the bathroom emptying the bile of my stomach into the bowl. I had booked a one way flight. I’m still not sure what I was thinking, but the next day when I finally pulled myself off the floor, I hailed a cab to Heathrow.  _

_ I haven’t a clue how much I paid for the flight back. I was sleep deprived, exhausted, yet every time I closed my eyes all I could see was your lips on his. If that torture wasn’t enough, then I was transported back to the airport watching your plane take off for London. Then when my mind decided to take the torture to a medieval level, I was listening to your voice crack as I told you I didn’t love you. I was at the airport a good hour before I had the nerve to call Wynonna. She was the only person I told that I was leaving, not that my parents would have cared. They know about their daughter now. They couldn’t live with the shame so they’ve left town. Guess we called that one.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ My mind was scattered, nothing made sense. Everything inside me and outside hurt. What didn’t feel like it had been shredded apart, ached. I didn’t even notice the blue Ford truck pull up in front of me. I barely acknowledged the honk that pulled me from my thoughts. Wynonna exited the truck rounding the front to stand in front of me. It wasn’t until I looked up that she reached out putting her hand on my shoulder. _

_ “You look like shit.” It wasn’t what she said, but the sympathy in her eyes that made everything real. “I’m so sorry Haught, I thought…I’m so sorry.” I cried for the first time as she drove me back to the apartment we had shared. Her hand stayed on my shoulder the entire night. _

_ Seeing the pic of you with someone else, well that was another night spent on the bathroom floor. Wynonna dragged me out to a local party she had heard about. A way of cheering me up she said. I spent the night making out with the first girl to show interest in me. I still don’t know her name. I just know the image of you I saw everytime I closed my eyes.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ I’ve struggled a lot since then, but I think you would be proud of me for pulling myself out of it. Well, actually, Chrissy’s dad, Randy would be the one who pulled me out of it. Ironic that it was your best friend’s dad that convinced me to find a purpose in life while sitting at a bar. I had always wanted to be the person other’s could depend on. For whatever reason, he thought that would make me a good cop. I told him I had planned on moving out of town soon.  _

_ God love Gus and her ability to overhear any conversation in that bar. She took my beer from in front of me and sat it down behind the bar. When I went to object, she raised her finger effectively shushing me. “You can’t outrun the memories, and I’m tired of watching you try to drown them. For once in your stubborn life, listen to someone else and take what’s being offered.”  _

_ Even Nedley stammered at her admonishing me. I finally looked over and stretched out my hand to him. “I will probably let you down. I seem to be good at that.” His hand firmly grasped mine. “Doing what you feel is right when you know it will crush you, is not a bad trait. I believe in you.” _

_ You should have seen your sister’s face when I told her I applied to the academy. It was if I had told her she had to live without whiskey. I still think the only reason she came around to the idea is because she thinks I’ll let her off easy when I have to arrest her. We both know it's a matter of when, not if. _

_ So here I am, sitting in a dorm room in a strange city becoming something new. I had hoped this would make it easier to forget about you, but as I’ve found out, nothing lets me forget you. I can’t do a damn thing when I’m without you. Or at least that’s how it was in Purgatory. We’ll see how I do here.  _

_ I’m sorry Waverly. Not because I’m hurting. That I accept as my own fault. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I lied to you. I thought it was for the best. I was a dumb kid. To a large extent, I still am. Why is this so easy to say on paper, but impossible to tell you?  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ I hear Paris is beautiful this time of year. It will never hold a candle to you.  _   
  


\-------------------------------------------------------------------   
  
Waverly wiped away the tear that had streaked down her face. The parade of emotions marched on through her mind as she sat the journal back down on the table. She had known this wouldn’t be easy, but she needed to know. Her hands returned to the mug as her eyes fixated on the flames in the fireplace. She never moved. Even when Wynonna burst through the door.    
  
“Baby girl! You should have seen the look on this guy’s face when we busted him tonight.” Wynonna stripped out of her jacket and hung it on the hook Waverly had installed once she moved in. Wynonna dropping it wherever she wanted had led to a few arguments. “He was clueless I had snuck up on him until…”   
  
Wynonna’s eyes landed on the leather bound pages. Her movements ceased as her body, once confident in posture, deflated. She glanced back at Waverly, finding her still motionless. “I guess now is not the time.” Wynonna turned headed for the stairs.   
  
“How did Nicole know I was in Paris?” Waverly’s voice calmly drifted across the room. Wynonna was frozen again in her tracks. “You said you weren’t going to be in the middle of it.” Waverly turned her head so that their eyes met. “You chose her.”   
  


“How did you know she was at the police academy the only time you visited?” There was a sharpness to Wynonna’s voice that made Waverly flinch. She had found that out by accident. That was at least what she told herself, when Chrissy casually mentioned Nicole was her dad’s newest deputy. Chrissy always seemed to know exactly when to tell Waverly about Nicole. She had wondered if Nedley had done the same for Nicole. 

“Both of you had your ways of finding out information. I never had to tell her. Someone else always did.”   
  
“You knew about the journal. It stopped you dead in your tracks when you saw it.”   
  
Wynonna sighed. Her arms flew out to the sides, “What do you want me to say here? Yes I knew about the journal. I didn’t care what worked for her as long as it worked. She started journaling,and her excessive drinking stopped. That was its own relief, because your girl can’t hold her liquor. I’ve never seen inside it. I actually thought she had burned it.”   
  
Waverly turned her attention back to the flames of the fireplace. “We lost so many years.” Her voice was soft. She felt a hand land on her shoulder. “For what it’s worth, I’ve watched both of you grow so much in that time.” Waverly felt a faint smile dance across her lips. “You came home for a reason baby girl, whether you want to admit it or not. I always knew the only reason you would come home is for her. Fate had been a fickle bitch for fifteen years. It was time I shoved her off the cliff in the right direction.”   
  


\--------------------------------------------   
  
The next morning I found a cup of coffee waiting on my desk with the name MY OFFICE scrawled across it in Wynonna’s distinctive handwriting. I picked it up walking across the room before knocking on her open door. She signaled for me to enter. I sat down in the same chair that I was in when I found out Waverly was back in town. Wynonna pushed her chair back walking across the room to shut the door. I knew instantly this wasn’t good.    
  
“So you gave her the journal?” Her voice was amused but in a way that meant I was in deep trouble.    
  
“Yeah?” I replied just before I felt the palm of her hand make contact with the back of my head.    
  
“Ow, shit! Wynonna?!”   
  
“What the hell are you thinking Haughtshot? You’re trudging through your past just expecting everything to be hunky dory? Do you have any idea how much water is under that bridge? It’s enough to turn the salt flats into a lake again!!”   
  
I continued rubbing the back of my head trying to dull the ache as my gaze turned to Wynonna’s general direction. “Look, if the past will come up one way or another. I’d rather be honest about what all happened and clear the air now instead of having it hang over our heads.”    
  
“So you want her to know about Haughtdamn the drunk? What about Shae? What about all the hurt you went through? Do you not see how you two can easily turn on each other?”   
  
“Wynonna, I appreciate your concern, but I refuse to run from the past. If we’re going to make this work, everything has to be laid bare. All the hurt, anger, and bad memories need to be resolved. I love her Wynonna and nothing’s ever changed that. It won’t start now.”    
  
We both heard the door of the sheriff’s office open. We glanced out Wynonna’s blinds to find Waverly walking into the station. She looked around knowing I was supposed to be on duty. I looked back at Wynonna who simply said, “I hope you’re ready. She read the first passage last night and accused me of taking sides.”   
  
I smiled as I watched her making her way to my desk to drop off breakfast. “It’ll be fine.”   
  
“How did you know she was in Paris anyways?”    
  
“When I took my paperwork in for Nedley to fill out the recommendation for academy, Chrissy was leaving Nedley’s office. My ears perked up when I heard Nedley say, ‘Paris is awful quick. I thought she had just settled in London.’ Chrissy saw me and just replied. ‘Wasn’t far enough away. I’ll see you tonight.’ I knew instantly it was Waverly.”    
  
I pushed out of the chair and opened the door. I paused watching her beautiful smile light up almost touching her eyes as she looked at me. While I understood Wynonna’s concerns, we had matured and changed so much. Yet the one thing that remained the same was the way we felt.    
  
“Hey Loverboy.”   
  
Yeah we had a past, but this...this is what I had been living to hear again.

“Morning Waves.”


	2. You Make Me Feel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you need the rain storm to help clear the air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I started creating this fic, COVID-19 wasn't on the radar in the US. I had plans, as spring continued, to go out and take a lot of pics to go along with this fic. Despite our state not being put under a stay at home order, we are still cautious. I was able to snag a few pics and don't worry they were all done from a safe location, mostly with no one else around. To find the music I listened to while creating this fic, [click here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7Hto32jzGV6AYFyYqTqu5F?si=6qsPv2NqRVmsUH8PUBzfUQ)
> 
> Thanks to my wife for being my harshest critic and making me a better writer because of it. Thanks to FaithSky for pushing me to continue with this fic. If you haven't give her fic, [In The Herb Garden](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24653719/chapters/59568847) a read. It's a very well narrated story.
> 
> As always comments and kudos are greatly appreciated and keep me writing. Catch me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dreamwalking_78) or on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/geckogirl9)

_ No one at the academy had heard of Purgatory. Imagine my surprise last week when they insisted on hiking the mountain trails. Being the local, I was expected to come along and play tour guide. It was such an amazing day. It felt good to be outside once again seeing the greenery surrounding the area. It almost made me feel proud to be from our little town once again.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Five trails over the course of the weekend had left me exhausted. The group had agreed to only take two vehicles up the mountain. I had agreed to ride instead of drive so I could point out anything of interest. I had made sure on the way up, I had not pointed out the road to the overlook. I was determined not to return to that particular natural wonder.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ The last time I was up there was during a storm. Despite the Christmas decor in the town, I knew it was still tornado season. The air that day was unseasonably warm indicating I should have been more cautious. Instead as lightning struck the valley below while sheets of rain pounded against my truck, I drove up the side of the mountain. What is normally dry suddenly turned into raging waterfalls. All the signs were there to turn back. I didn’t. When I finally parked, alone, I walked out onto the rocks. I looked around before I screamed your name to the rain falling down on me, breaking the silence inside me.  _

_ As if perfectly timed, a flash of lightning struck the valley below illuminating everything. The winds picked up swaying the trees until their low hanging branches nearly touched the earth. As I blinked through the rain blurring my vision (or maybe it was the tears. Really it doesn’t matter now), I swore I heard it, your voice calling out to me. “Loverboy.” Soaked to the bone, I drove home once I felt nothing again. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Wynonna jumped me when I walked into the apartment that night. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Where the hell have you been? There was an EF-4 tornado tearing through the next town over and you were nowhere to be found. I thought you were dead in a tree.” She chunked a towel at me.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Sorry” I mumbled starting to dry off before heading to the bathroom. She, of course, followed me. “Did you even think to call me? No, we had to be a tough guy and go out during a storm. What the hell were you even thinking?” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I wasn’t. I just needed to feel something. I was at the lookout.”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Great so some random cow could’ve flown from the fields and taken you out.” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “A cow wouldn’t have...Wynonna just leave me alone.”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I promised I would look out for you. The last thing I want to do is call baby girl and tell her that I failed. You died in a tornado after being impaled by a stop sign. Red killed by red.”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ I flew off the handle. I could feel my blood boil at the mention of your nickname. “What the hell did you just say?” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Wynonna’s eyes widened at her own admission. “I…” She stopped.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ I could feel the tick at the side of my eye getting worse. “You promised her you would look out for me? After I clearly fucking told you that she needed to forget about me.” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Wynonna’s head dropped as her hands covered her face. “I thought it would be easier for her to move on if she knew I was watching out for you.”  _

_ I calmed my breathing to a more reasonable rate. One that allowed me to actually breath instead of panicking. “Did it work?”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “She’s stopped asking about you, so maybe.”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ I blew out a deep breath, the heat of my anger finally fizzling out. Suddenly I became very cold. I began to shiver as I stepped into my room to grab clothes. Wynonna followed, only turning her back when she realized I was going to change. “Did going back up there help you?”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “No. Nothing helps.” Wynonna simply nodded. Judging by the warmth of the house, Wynonna had turned the heat up before shuffling off to bed. I fell asleep, strangely relieved yet saddened that you had stopped asking. It was what I wanted, so why did it hurt so much? _

_ I missed it when Jefferson, the guy driving the car, had turned down the road leading to the point of the mountain. It was only when we passed the gate that I realized exactly where we were headed. I froze in my spot unable to verbalize the thousands of no’s running through my mind. As the trees parted to the opening of the parking lot, my eyes looked around at the blue skies surrounding us. Maybe, I would be okay up here after all. I stepped out letting the sun shine bright against my face. As the others raced to the decking to overlook the area, I slowly walked across the parking lot to one of the boulder’s facing the south. I smiled as I could see the cows in the fields below. I took a deep breath inward, the fragrance of spring reaching my nostrils until something else invaded.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ The smell of wet dirt quickly flooded my senses. A smell that I loved as a child that now reminded me of our first time at this exact location. Memories flashed through my mind of your skin soft against mine. The sound of your moans echoed in my ears as I felt my body weaken. The ringing in my ears was drowned out by my own voice asking if you were sure. My lips moved as I repeated your words back to me. “I’ve never been more sure of anything.”  _

_ “Check out that storm cloud.” I could hear the others yell from behind me. I didn’t need to open my eyes to know the sunlight was about to vanish. I didn’t need to see the cloud approaching from the west. That one deep breath told me everything. I slowly turned, opening my eyes. Lightning flashed into the valley below and for a brief second. As the light flashed, I saw your Jeep parked exactly where it was that day.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Jefferson grabbed my camera from the car and quickly shoved it into my hand. “Haught, you’ve got to get pics of this.” I stared at him blankly, my mouth dry and my mind still swimming with the memory overload. “You take pics of everything, this storm just split. Don’t you want pics of it?”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ My hand firmed up on the grip of the camera. Quickly I set the ISO and aperture and watched the clouds starting to roll towards us part. As rain fell to the north, the wind kicked up to the south. I was able to shoot off a few shots as everyone ran for the car. The clouds, separated as they overtook the mountain, started to rejoin one another. I watched in amazement as the clouds collided in a flash of lightning.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “What the hell Haught?” I heard Riley yell from the car window. “I know you’re dreading the exams next week, but enough to become a human lightning rod?”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Three times I have been to that overlook since you became intertwined in my life. Three times it stormed. Once it was a light rain soft and enchanting. The second time it was a deadly storm destroying anything in its path. The third time, it had weakened as it approached, but once rejoined, it was a force of nature beautiful in its own way.  _

_ Jefferson asked me tonight where I went while they were exploring the landscape. I tried to avoid his questions, but finally I admitted the truth. I told him about you. I told him how I had let you go so you could have a better life without me. He sat there for a minute before he looked me dead in the eye. _

_ “You’re such an idiot.”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Thanks.” I rolled my eyes at his comment. It was hard enough admitting everything to him.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Nicole, that girl is gorgeous. She loved you. Why would you not have chased her to the ends of the earth never letting go?” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Because she deserved more than I could give her.”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “That’s why you’re an idiot. You were selfish Nicole. You broke her heart because YOU thought you weren’t good enough. Did it ever occur to you once that your opinion on this did not matter?” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Really? So if you loved someone and you heard people trashing them because of you, you would do nothing?”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ He slapped his hand over his face slowly pulling it down. “She wanted you. She had said she didn’t care what they said. You cared. You removed her ability to decide when you took it upon yourself to break her heart.” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Oh.” He was right. I hated to admit it, but God was he right.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “So London.” He stopped mulling his next words over carefully. “You showed up, saw one little kiss and ran out.”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “She had someone. She had moved on.” I whispered the words afraid of what he was going to analyze next.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “No you assumed she had moved on. Even now, you assume she doesn’t want to ever see you again. You want to believe you never cross her mind. What if you do? What if she still loves you too?”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ I sat silently, my knees pulled up against her chest. “The problem is Nicole, you will never know. You will go through life pining after someone that you never let have an option. The first step to moving on is going to be admitting your part in it.”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ I don’t want to admit this, but he’s going to be an amazing interrogator one day. This moment proved it to me beyond a shadow of a doubt. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I am the reason we ended. I broke her heart.” Jefferson stared at me as I said it. His eyes bored into me. He knew that was the easy part for me to say. He waited to see if I could admit more.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ My voice trembled as I whispered out, “I took her choice away when I ended it.”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ I ran from the room into the bathroom where once again, I found the bitter taste of bile burning my throat as I heaved into the toilet. This time it burned through my sinus cavities as tears slipped down my own face. It seems I am destined to make a lot of offerings to the porcelain god for the crimes I have committed against you. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ When I returned to the room, paler than normal and shaking, Jefferson took pity on me. “Nicole, you were eighteen. You were a kid then. Hell you’re still a kid now.” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ I fell into the bed lying there staring at the ceiling. “You’re only six years older than me.”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ He chuckled. “Sometimes six years can be a lot of life experience. You made a mistake. You admit that. It’s not too late to fix it.” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ I entertained the thought and offered him a simple, “Maybe.” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ So here I am writing while he sleeps. Despite my initial reaction, it felt good to have a complete outsider’s perspective.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ I awoke this morning with two new perspectives. The first is the realization that I am never going to stop loving you. It is a reality that I will have to live with for the rest of my days. The second is I can’t change the past and my future lies before me here as yours lies before you. Wherever you are I hope you are safe. I hope that you are happy. Above all else, I hope you find a love that will not let you down.  _ _  
  
_

_ \------------------------------------------------------------- _

_  
_ As Waverly read the last lines a picture fell from between the pages. She knew exactly where Nicole stood as she took the picture. The clouds formed menacingly showering down raindrops on the land below them. She could easily see where the rain started and stopped. As she allowed herself to study it more, she noticed the hints of light around the clouds. She flipped the photograph over finding where Nicole had written on the back. Northern storms   
  
Waverly marveled at how their lives had mimicked the storm. They had started softly enough slowly approaching the mountains of life together without a care. Then life ripped them apart. Each was torn in their own direction thinking the other no longer cared. They each stormed at the world never fully satisfied until they were drawn back to each other. She wished Nicole had been able to see that storm as the omen it was destined to become.

\--------------------------------------   
  
I slid into the booth beside Waverly gently kissing her temple as I greeted her. Her smile faltered when she first saw me, but when I pressed my lips against her, I felt her melt into me. “What’s wrong baby?” I asked as she slumped against me.    
  
“I started reading the journal the other night.” While I knew curiosity would eventually get the best of her, I was still nervous about this.    
  
“Okay.” I waited knowing from the crease in her brow there was more. 

“How did you know I was in Paris?”    
  
I chuckled softly. “Big Nedley and little Nedley talk baby. Sometimes things just slipped in front of me. I never really knew whether it was on purpose or an accident. Though I have my suspicions about it.”    
  
Another storm brewed in her eyes. I waited patiently knowing that when she was ready she would talk to me. After a few minutes of fidgeting with her hands she finally met my eyes. “I read about Jefferson last night. Nicole he was wrong. I had decisions too. I could have stayed and fought for you. I took off and never contacted you again.”   
  
“Waves, I…”    
  
“No Loverboy, I need you to listen to me. We were both young and stupid. The burden of our failure rests on both of our shoulders.”    
  
I never once blamed Waverly, nor could I start now. Her admission gave me some insight into her life after leaving. We both suffered in silence. As much as I had wanted to kill Wynonna for telling Waverly the truth, I honestly needed to thank her. She provided the push that slammed us back into each other. Though I could hear her now reacting to that statement, “Eww, that’s my baby sister dude.”    
  
“We okay?” I asked tentatively. Wynonna’s worries from the other day suddenly taking root in my mind, creating fear I had not expected. Waverly quickly turned to face me. “Yes, of course. It’s...maddening that it took us so long to find each other again. So many years wasted.”    
  
“Waves, you had to leave. Time taught me a lot about why things happened the way they did. I’m so glad you got to see the world.” She sighed deeply, but her smile returned. She picked up her phone quickly typing away on it. “Waves what are you doing?” I tried to see over her shoulder, but she simply smirked as she turned the screen away. The jukebox came to life as I realized she had activated it from her app. “Dance with me Loverboy.”    
  
I scooted out of the booth offering my hand to her as she pulled me to the middle of the floor. She whispered the lyrics to me as I twirled her around before catching her in my arms.    
  
Girl I've been all over the world

Looking for you

I'm known for taking what I think I deserve

And you're overdue

And if you listen you can hear me through the radio

In that bright white noise

What I been missing in my life, what I been dreaming of

You'll be that girl, you'll be that girl, you'll be

As she finished the last you’ll be, her lips connected with mine. I could feel her smiling into the kiss her hand once again finding the hairs on the back of my neck. The lyrics were her own small admission. Waverly Earp had traveled more of the world than I realized existed. I had thought I could never compete with it. Come to find out I was the only one that could make her world stop. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last week on Twitter, I sent out a link on The Okra Project. This time, I'm linking you to another great group [](https://houseofgg.org/about/)
> 
> Kudos to anyone who got the Twister reference. 
> 
> The next chapter we introduce a really important piece of the story. I'll explain more when we get there. Also I think we're going with posting days to be on Mondays. (Those who have read my other fics know that sometimes I slip up and release early, but that's the goal)


	3. This Is Gospel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moving on and moving forward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to our foray into their past and present. The photograph described in this chapter, you will find posted to my twitter and tumblr. The grove of trees, with the field of buttercups is a very important part of this story moving forward. It is something that has remained a constant for 15 years, much like their love. The question remains, how big of a part will it continue to play? (No I'm not burning down the field)
> 
> On a personal note, the field is minutes from where I grew up. I watched it come to life in a beautiful carpet of yellow velvet every spring. There's a way the sunlight shines on those petals that can illuminate the darkest of days. I would absolutely love to own a piece of that property and build a house there. Waverly's sentiments are my own. The good news is knowing who owns the field, I doubt it will ever be anything but a cattle field, which means every spring, I can take a little drive and enjoy the fantasy. Hopefully this finds everyone doing well. 
> 
> Thanks to my wife for being my harshest critic and making me a better writer because of it. Thanks to FaithSky for coming along on this crazy ride we call my writing process.
> 
> As always comments and kudos are greatly appreciated and keep me writing. Catch me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dreamwalking_78) or on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/geckogirl9)
> 
> There is also a playlist to go with this fic if you are interested. Some of the songs I reference are a little obscure, but you can [click here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7Hto32jzGV6AYFyYqTqu5F?si=6qsPv2NqRVmsUH8PUBzfUQ)

**This is Gospel**

_ You came back. I don’t think you or Wynonna meant for me to know, but fate had a different course laid out.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be at the academy?” I could tell instantly something wasn’t right. Wynonna's face paled as I entered our living room. The snarky nicknames were nowhere to be found. The surprise her voice seemed to be coated in had dripped down to her posture as well. She shifted uncomfortably off the couch as I made my way back to my room. I paused before going down the hallway. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Yeah, but I needed a few forms signed off on by Nedley that wasn’t in my initial packet. He said he’d be by the station this afternoon so I stopped in. I thought I would grab a few things while I was here and use the bathroom.” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I could see her face tense. “Look Wy if you had someone over, just bleach the places you christened. That’s all I ask.” I said with a chuckle as I headed down the hall. I still couldn’t understand why she acting so strange. She usually paraded her latest conquests through the house. Why is she hiding who has been here?  _

_ The moment I stepped foot into the bathroom I could smell the overwhelming fragrance of you. Your shampoo, your body wash, every scent that reminded me of you hit me all at once. I stepped back, my hands shook as my ears began to ring. I didn’t want to step back into the bathroom so I braced myself against the wall. From my peripherals I could see Wynonna standing at the end of the hall. As I slowly dropped down the wall, she rushed forward grabbing my arm to make sure I didn’t collapse all at once. She sat down beside me. I could see the worry in her eyes.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Is she still here?” It was all I could get out. Even it came out higher pitched and squeakier than I had ever heard my voice. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Wynonna gently shook her head. “She left about three hours ago.” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I nodded my head as I stared straight ahead. I wasn’t sure if I was expecting the ghost of you to appear in front of me or if I just needed to focus on nothing to keep from feeling too much of something.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “I had planned on cleaning up the place before you came home next weekend. Erase everything so you didn’t know.” She started explaining and even then I could tell she was trying hard to toe the line of us. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “She didn’t want me to know she was here.” My voice firmed up just a little more as I started to regain control. “I think I understand actually. I’ve spent so much time guilting myself over what I did to her, to us. I know I deserve it, and she did not. I don’t blame her Wy. I need her to move on from me. Maybe…” I paused letting out a long breath of air. “Maybe if I know she is happy, I can finally start to forgive myself.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Wynonna opened her mouth to speak, but quickly closed it. “Wy, I’m not asking for details. I just want to know is she ok?” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I could see the wheels turning in her mind trying to figure out exactly what she wanted to say. “If you love her let her go.” I shook my head. That wasn’t what I needed to hear. “Yes.” She whispered it creating a resolve in me. If you are out there in the world and you are okay, then it’s time for me to move on as well. I have accepted that I may always love you, but you will never be mine. It’s time to be okay with that. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Thank you.” I put my hand on Wynonna’s shoulder before standing up. She rose to her feet as well. I started to walk to my room when her hand landed hard on my shoulder gripping tight as she pulled me backwards. “Wait, I need to wash your sheets.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “She slept in my bed?”  _

_ The squeakier version of my voice I had found out existed just moments before returned in full force. Wynonna looked uneasy once again at the sound. Though I was thoroughly confused on why you would even consider doing that, I couldn’t let her feel guilty about her own sister. I created this mess. “It’s better than the couch.” I smiled softly. “It’s okay. I’m just going to grab something out of my closet and I’ll be out of there.” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “I can Febreeze the bathroom and try to kill the smell if you still need to pee.” Wynonna shrugged before adding, “Or drop a deuce.” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Febreeze isn’t strong enough to kill that scent. It’s funny how distinctly those scents mix together. Separately they have never bothered me, but together is overpowering. I need fuel anyways. I’ll stop by the station on my way out of town.” I offered a half grin to her. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Nicole, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” She bit the edge of her lip as she shifted her weight to her other foot. I held my hand up halting her apology and offering a smile.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Don’t ever apologize when it comes to her. She’s your sister.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I could hear the spraying of cleaners in the bathroom as I entered my room. I took two steps forward just staring at my bed before I turned walking to the closet quickly gathering what I planned to grab into a bag. As I walked to the door, I turned around once more to stare at my bed. Quietly, I shut the door so as to not disturb Wynonna. I dropped my bag before slowly walking over to sit down on the edge of the bed. Though the smell continued wafting up to my nostrils, it was not nearly as powerful as the one I had just encountered. It was soft, almost fleeting. I laid down, my nose turning to the pillow to catch another whiff.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ My eyes closed as I was transported back. I could feel your hand resting against my chest as the wind blew causing you to shiver up against me. The moonlight was just enough that we could see each other and not much else. We were in a field in the back of my parent’s pickup. You were already falling asleep and I was not far behind you. The physical activities of the hour before had left us both drained of the energy to do much else. I wasn’t complaining.  _

_ When the wind would blow you would shiver and pull closer to me. It was as if I was your protector from the cold. I would wrap the blanket closer around you, but it wasn’t enough until you would nuzzle your way into the crook of my neck, your warm breath falling there so softly. Each time you stirred I would look down to push a strand of hair that had blown out of place or just touch your arm to let you know I was still there. The tiny smile that would break out across your face melted me.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ My body was warming up against yours which only indicated how sleepy I was becoming. I fought it. I wasn’t ready to let go of the vision of you stretched out against me, completely relaxed. You had stressed when we were in school over grades or auditions. You had stressed over college and making the right impression. You had stressed so much that to see you at peace was being allowed a glimpse of paradise. I focused on your breathing as my eyes closed. I knew I should set an alarm, but I wouldn’t dare move you.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ You would come to wake me up in that field. I inhaled one more time committing your scent to my memory again. My eyes slowly opened to my room. For once, the memory of you didn’t cause me to break down. I remembered what Wynonna had just confirmed to me. You were happy. I smiled at the memory of you cuddled up against me.  _

_ A wave of something different washed over me as I realized you had to sleep in my room. The hair stood up on the back of my neck and anger washed over me. Wynonna should have given up her bed and taken mine. Part of me is furious with her. Part of me is upset that you were reminded of me. Part of me wonders why the corner of my pillow is so wrinkled.  _ _   
  
_

_ \------------------------------------------------------- _

_   
_ “Because I held it with a death grip each night as I attempted to sleep.” Waverly shakes her head at the memory. Wynonna had never mentioned how close Nicole had come to seeing her. Actually had Waverly not left early for her flight, there’s a good chance they would have ran into each other. She turned the page to find a picture tucked safely between the pages. It was the same field they had fallen asleep in that night. Waverly had always loved the way it would shine brighter than the sun in spring. She had laid there that night picturing their lives in that exact field. 

She stared at the picture as she whispered, “I wanted my dream house just in front of that grove of trees. I wanted to walk onto our front porch and be surrounded by buttercups every spring. I wanted to feed the geese we see there and watch their family grow. I wanted to run lights through the trees and light it up at night. I wanted to lay in a hammock in the yard finding constellations in the night sky with you.”   
  
She smiled down at the picture before tucking it safely between the pages. “It was a nice dream.”

\------------------------------------------------------   
  
Ever since I had given Waverly the journal, each day became a new adventure. I was never fully sure what her reaction would be to the passages in there. Most of them I had not read after writing. I had skimmed it briefly before giving it to her just to get a gist of the time portal I was about to rip open. Each day since, I was greeted by old memories through new eyes. Instead of the bitterness Wynonna had feared, I found an understanding. When she said she had forgiven me, she meant it. We both walked separate paths for the last fifteen years stealing glances at one another when the other wasn’t looking. Finally our paths came together once again.    
  
As I slid onto the barstool, I could tell by the warm smile that the trepidation I felt walking in was unjustified. “Hey Waves.” I offered warmly watching her cheeks blush just a little at the nickname.    
  
“Hey Loverboy.” I smiled glancing downward at her words. After years of not hearing it, I relished each time she called me that. She placed my usual after shift beer in front of me.    
  
“So you knew I came back while you were at academy?”   
  
I paused while the bottle was halfway to my mouth, setting it back down on the bar. “Yeah. It was an accident.”    
  
Her voice softened, “I know. I read that.”    
  
There was more she was wanting to say. I could see it in the recesses of her mind fighting its way forward. She wiped down the counter a little, her eyes not quite meeting mine. “When Chrissy said you were at academy, I thought it was the only chance I would get to see Wynonna.”   
  
“I understand that Waves.”    
  
She sighs before taking my hand into hers. I glance around the bar to find no one else is in there. Not that it mattered who was there, but it helped make the moment seem more intimate.    
  
“I asked to sleep in your room. Wynonna tried to talk me out of it. More than once. I kept reassuring her I was over you that it was just a bed.” She sighed deeply before continuing. Her eyes met mine once again as she spoke. “For a moment, that’s all it was. Then the smell of vanilla drifted up from your mattress. I realized how much I had lied to myself. I spent the next few nights gripping your pillow holding close to something that I knew you had touched. I wrapped up in the blankets each night craving the warmth of your body. I wanted it to feel like you were there at night. I tried fooling my senses when I would wrap my arm around the other pillow, curling up to it like it was you.”   
  
I was dumbfounded. “I don’t understand Waves. Wynonna told me you were happy. That was the one thing that anchored my decision to move on.”   
  
“I told her to tell you that.” Her voice grew even quieter as I could see the tears lining her eyes. “The way you left me was so callous and unfeeling. The last thing I wanted was for you to know how broken I really was over a year later.”   
  
Her laughter suddenly rang across the bar startling me in my place. I looked up trying to find what she had found so humorous. “I might have took a souvenir from that trip.”    
  
The conversation had me on edge as I wasn’t sure where exactly this was going. Her eyes lit up with mischief as she spoke. “Remember your hoodie from high school?”    
  
“Yeah I lost it a long time a…” I paused in that recollection fully understanding where this was headed. “You stole my hoodie?”    
  
She shrugged while walking towards the back of the bar giggling, “Go Devils?”    
  


\-----------------------------------

“Where are we?!” God she was cute when she whined.    
  
“Not yet Waves.” I whispered guiding her out of the truck and around to the back. When I had picked her up at Shorty’s and blindfolded her, she had been anything but agreeable. For whatever reason she trusted me enough to keep going. I picked her up, sitting her on the tailgate of the truck among the carefully placed pillows and blankets. I pulled the flameless candle lanterns from the back seat placing them around us. Wynonna had been gracious enough to find my hoodie hidden in Waverly’s room.    
  
“Arms up Waves. Otherwise you’re going to get cold.” She huffed but complied with my request. As the hoodie covered her I couldn’t help the stupid grin across my face. She did look cute in my hoodie. I took the blindfold off.   
  
She looked around, her smile childlike in its excitement. She instantly recognized the field surrounding us. Her squeal of excitement as she looked up at me, the stars of the Milky Way reflected in the windows to my universe.    
  
“There’s a supposed to be a meteor shower starting in another hour. I thought up until then we could lay here waiting.”    
  
“Do you really think you can win me over by recreating all of our dates Loverboy?” There was a challenge in her tone I wasn’t sure I was ready to take, but I was going to try.    
  
“I think we have to start somewhere. Remembering what we loved about our time together seemed like a good way to begin. Hoodie thief.”   
  
She protectively wrapped her arms around herself pulling the hoodie against her. “Possession is nine tenths of the law. She reached forward grabbing my jacket’s collar yanking me onto the tailgate with her. “Right now, I believe I possess the law as well.”    
  
“That you do Waves.” I smiled before connecting our lips. We pushed back into the bed of the truck, our bodies finding each other before locking together. Her hand was on my chest as she nuzzled into the crook of my neck.    
  
“Loverboy?” I could feel her breath as she spoke. It was intoxicating to have that warmth against me once again.    
  
“Hmm?” It was all I could manage.   
  
“Speaking of the law, won’t someone call the cops on us for being in this field so late?”    
  
I stifled back the laugh that threatened to escape. If she only knew the truth about this field, but that would come with time. “No Waves, the owner of this property doesn’t care that we’re out here.”    
  
“Did you ask?” Her head raised up so she could look me in the eye.   
  
“Yes baby. I asked.” As her head rested against mine, I looked over the edge of the truck bed. My wooden markers were still in place though only visible if you knew what you were looking for. I knew Waverly would die to find out that I had parked in what I hoped would become our driveway. Or at least it would be soon enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is extremely short, so I may post it early just because I feel like I'm cheating you guys by making you wait a week for it. We find out our favorite lovebirds may have been secretly cheering each other on from a distance. And yes I reference Imagine Me and You again, because when I wrote that chapter, my lilies were blooming so how could I not?
> 
> I also won't reveal the full mascot name because we are the only ones in the country, but my high school mascot had a devil in the name so getting to write "Go Devils?" was awesome. Especially since I still have hoodies and band jackets. (Yep, band nerd for life.) Also flameless candles are a great way to keep from burning a body part, while maintaining the mood during romantic times. Just take my word for it...


	4. Worry About Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's one of the most important days in your life, but one of the most important parts is missing, or at least that's what you think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, you're still getting a full chapter on Monday. I just wanted to get this mini chapter out there. This was one of the last things I wrote, but I felt it was important to the overall story. I've struggled for the exact way to explain it, but I'm going to try. No matter what, Waverly and Nicole till cared about each other and by default cared whether one succeeded or not. This is a moment of growing up and clarity on their part. They're no longer harboring regret and anger. They moved to something else even if they're not ready to let the other party know just yet. Also I love the Nedleys in this fic. They play such a huge role that won't be revealed until the very end. They are quite the duo.
> 
> Thanks to my wife for being my harshest critic and making me a better writer because of it. Thanks to FaithSky for entertaining my antics at all hours when inspiration strikes me.
> 
> As always comments and kudos are greatly appreciated and keep me writing. Catch me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dreamwalking_78) or on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/geckogirl9)
> 
> There is also a playlist to go with this fic if you are interested. Some of the songs I reference are a little obscure, but you can [click here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7Hto32jzGV6AYFyYqTqu5F?si=6qsPv2NqRVmsUH8PUBzfUQ)

_ Nedley cried. He put his hand firmly on my shoulder grasping it as he, Wynonna, Chrissy, and Gus surrounded me on the floor of the gym. He looked me in the eye and said, “I’m proud of you kid.” One tear, it’s all he allowed to slip down his cheek, but his feelings were unmistakable as Chrissy looked at him smiling. She kept glancing between him and me sighing. He excused himself after that to speak to an old friend he had seen across the way. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Dress blues look good on you.” Wynonna slapped my back hard enough I stumbled forward. “Even if it will be the last thing I see before you throw me in the drunk tank every Saturday night.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I smiled knowing that was her way of saying congrats. I had not expected to see many people at graduation. Though we are on speaking terms, my parents didn’t make the trip. I think they feel it just adds to my gayness. I honestly wasn’t disappointed they weren’t there.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Gus stepped forward, her hand gripped my chin turning my face from one side to the other. I’m still not sure what she was inspecting, but she seemed satisfied with whatever it was she saw. She grunted nodding as she looked me over. Most of the weight I had put on was muscle, but she seemed to be inspecting me a lot harder than I expected. “Guessing you finally sobered up some?”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I stood there stunned as I glanced around at my fellow cadets. “Yeah, I might have one occasionally, but not near where I was. I have to set the example now.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Good girl.” She smiled that half cocked smile before adding, “What about that head on your shoulders? Is it where it needs to be?” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I smiled back, “I haven’t had a lot of time to dwell on things. It’s still there. I think it always will be, but my duty now is to serve. That is exactly what I plan on doing.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Good because Nedley always tests the new kids out by sending them to break up my bar fights. You’ve caused a couple, time for you to clean them up.” She lightly smacked my face. “Get ready to arrest your best friend.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Chrissy was next as she looked at me grinning. “Daddy’s proud of you.” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Yeah I kinda got that impression.” I rubbed my neck wondering where this was headed.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “You’ve come a long way in the last year Nicole. We’re all proud of you.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I smiled thinking back to this journal and how it seemed to help when things seemed darkest. “Yeah I’ve had a lot of growing up to do.” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “ _ **_EVERYONE_ ** _ is proud of you Nicole.” There was a different twinkle in her eyes when she said it. My brow knit into confusion as she walked away. She casually threw over her shoulder, “Hold your chin up officer. You did it. Now, I have got to find Daddy before he bores some new cadet to death with his stories.”  _ _   
  
_

_ \---------------------------------------------------------- _

_   
_ _ Later that night, Wynonna walked out on the porch of the place we had been sharing. She handed me a glass with amber liquid. I stared at the contents as the wind settled into a steady cool breeze. “It’s whiskey Haught sauce. Don’t tell me you suddenly don’t like it. I’d hate to finish this bottle of Jameson alone.” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I started laughing, “You’d hate it, but I know it’s a sacrifice you’re willing to make.” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Her eyes lit up with excitement at the prospect. I quickly took a gulp while staring her dead in the eye. “Too bad you won’t have to worry about that.”  _

_ Her grin widened even more. “Glad to know you’re not too uptight to hang with me still.” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “I’ll never be too uptight Earp. Sometimes, I feel like you’re the only person that will ever understand me.” I took a drink of the liquid fire she had just poured into my glass. “Well, the only person here. I was worried at first, but after today, I know Nedley has my back.” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Wynonna scoffed, “For some reason he’s partial to you.” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I lightly laughed back, “Yeah I don’t fully understand it.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Nobody understands Nedley. The man watches Pretty Little Liars.” Wynonna’s arms flail out as she shakes her head. “What cop does that?”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I couldn’t help the full bodied laugh that left my body. “We all need an escape Wynonna.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “It’s nice to see this version of you again.” I could tell by her voice the joking was done for the night. “I was afraid she would be lost forever.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I leaned back against the wall of the house, “I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t questioned my motivations for going to academy. In the end, it taught me a lot about situations we can control and ones we can’t. I was beat up, yelled at, and broke down to be rebuilt. But now that I’ve been through it, I’m stuck in a good place. You don't gotta try and fix somebody that ain't broken anymore.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Wynonna clinked her glass against mine. “Welcome home Officer Haught Shit.” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ As I finished my shot I looked over to find her shaking the now empty bottle. “Looks like a refill is needed.” She jumped up heading for the door. “Good thing I bought extra!!”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ As I sat alone on the porch, I thought about the day. I think you would have been proud of me too Waves. I may have screwed things up with us, but I turned it around. I’ve started owning the fact I screwed up. I will always carry you around with me.  _

_ This town needs someone to protect it. I want to be that person. If you ever come back, I want it to be just as quaint as you remember it being. I start my first shift tomorrow with Nedley.  _   
  


\-----------------------------------------------------------

  
Waverly smiles to herself as she places the journal back on her nightstand. She reaches over for her phone flipping through the pictures until she lands on a specific screenshot. Her smile reaches her eyes as she looks down at Nicole in her dress blues crossing the stage. She sees herself in the return view smiling at the live video feed Chrissy streamed for her. She remembered hearing Nicole’s name and seeing that flash of red cross the stage. She had struggled behind the tears to screenshot the image, but she had been able to.    
  
When Chrissy casually let it slip that Nicole was graduating, she had asked her best friend for the one favor she knew she couldn’t ask Wynonna for. She wanted to watch it.   
  
Waverly had been told how Nicole had lost herself. Gus would let it slip about Nicole’s drinking habits, though she would quickly apologize for bringing her up. Chrissy would let it slip anytime she was talking about Wynonna’s partying and how intoxicated Nicole would become. Waverly had mourned the lost potential she had always seen in her. She knew Nicole was meant to be more than just another person drinking their way through life in Purgatory. Seeing her find a purpose had sent her heart soaring. She was still mad at Nicole for hurting her, but deep down she couldn’t wish ill on the woman she still cared for so deeply.    


Nicole was working a late shift tonight, which meant despite it being midnight, she would still be at the station. Waverly sent the picture to Nicole and waited for the barrage of questions she knew would follow.    
  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   
  
Mostly my evening had been uneventful. Other than stopping the very intoxicated stupid Carl from cow tipping in his own field, I had spent the night finishing paperwork after patrol. I noticed my phone lighting up and could only grin when I saw Waverly’s name flash across the screen. When the preview only offered the word image, I looked around the station to confirm I was truly alone. It wouldn’t be the first time she had sent me something to keep me warm while working late. I bit my bottom lip as I opened the text.    
  
It’s a good thing I was holding the phone above my desk. Otherwise I’m sure the way I dropped it, would have smashed against the floor. My jaw hung open as I stared at the picture of me graduating from the stage. It wasn’t that the image wasn’t one I had seen. Gus had taken a pic from that very location. It was that I could see it was a screengrab from a live stream. I could see Waverly’s face. I searched the photos for other signs of where this came from when I felt the phone vibrate again. I exited from the picture to find a text explaining.    
  
Waves: It took a week of begging to get Chrissy to agree to live stream your graduation to me. As I watched you walk across the stage, I cried Loverboy. I cried because I was incredibly proud of what you had accomplished. I cried because my heart was elated that you were finding your place in life. I cried because it was without me. It was undoubtedly one of the biggest moments in your life. I was lucky enough to be there for it, even if you were unaware. When Chrissy told you everyone was proud of you, that included me.    
  
I looked back at the pic above the text letting it sink in. Waverly was there that day. It had been the one thing I had wished for more than anything and she was there, supporting me even though I was clueless to it.    
  
Waves: I also know you sent the flowers for my college graduation Loverboy.   
  
I felt my cheeks tinge bright red. When Nedley had mentioned Chrissy making a trip to Calgary one May, I immediately figured out exactly why. From there it was just a matter of hacking into Wynonna’s phone while she was drunk to find out where to send flowers to.    
  
Nicole: How did you know it was me?   
  
Waves: Only you would remember me telling you roses were overrated. The lilies were perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Monday we throwback to the park where Loverboy was first born and to skinny dipping in a creek. Lightning bugs will be floating on a breeze, Readers get ready.


	5. Like The Way I Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Too many times we stand aside and let the waters slip away. (Yep I'm quoting Garth on this one)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, let me apologize for the emotionally tugging chapter from Friday. I really didn't realize it would get to so many or I'd have warned you. This chapter has their first moment of realizing they were in love without saying it. Hopefully this is a lot more lighthearted for you guys. Also Wynonnus Interuptus. There are so many songs I quoted in this chapter and I could have named it after. Instead, I went with the song that started the whole concept for me. 
> 
> If you haven't noticed before, it my goal as a writer to always interconnect everything I write in an AU. So yes, we're going back to the park where Loverboy started, where they first said I love you. I spent so much time at that park watching the water and clearing my mind. Granted my park was a river, but the concept is the same. Also they closed my park too due to lack of funding. I have a pic of it at sundown I'll be sharing later. The steps, the rock, are all real things that are burned into my memory even if I haven't had access in probably six years or so. 
> 
> Devil's Creek is a real thing as well. I haven't actually been to it that I recall, but I have been to a similar creek. Just the name hit me as something that would exist in the Ghost River Triangle. The pic Waverly finds, is on twitter already and will be on tumblr shortly. 
> 
> Thanks to my wife for being my harshest critic and making me a better writer because of it. Thanks to FaithSky for being my bouncing board for thought processes. The idea of reincorporating the camera into the fic, came from her. She gave me a few ideas of how to continue this AU and the camera part stuck with me.
> 
> As always comments and kudos are greatly appreciated and keep me writing. Catch me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dreamwalking_78) or on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/geckogirl9)
> 
> There is also a playlist to go with this fic if you are interested. Some of the songs I reference are a little obscure, but you can [click here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7Hto32jzGV6AYFyYqTqu5F?si=6qsPv2NqRVmsUH8PUBzfUQ)

_ They closed the park. Our park. When the memo came down from the Corps, I was in the office with Nedley. Funding was short, so we lose some of our best spots. They closed a lot of other parks too, but this was the one I was going to mourn the most. I volunteered that when it came time, I would be the one to lock it down. I think he saw something in my eyes that let him know I needed to be the one who did this. He grumbled for a minute as he read the details of the memo. “We’re supposed to patrol it to make sure teenagers aren’t down there dealing drugs or setting fire to the place. I don’t suppose you’d volunteer for that as well.” I jumped at the chance to be the only one who would have access to our spot. I should be saddened by it’s closure, but I’m not. Much like us things move on and change. It’s something I have learned to accept. _

_ Nedley sent me out this morning to lock the gate and secure it. I walked down the steps leading to the water’s edge. I smiled at the memory of us sneaking down here hiding away from the world so we could just be. I sat on the steps and laughed at the thought of the first time you called me Loverboy after kissing me. I haven’t watched that movie even once since you’ve left. I hear the nickname you so unceremoniously dubbed me with said by others and it doesn’t even feel right. It only grabs my attention when the sweet melody of your voice drifts those words into my ears until they reverb in my brain locking there.  _

_ I leaned forward looking over at the rock where I accidentally admitted I loved you. Best accident of my life. Hearing you say it back...I never thought I could be that happy. I heard my boots scrape against the concrete steps as I shuffled my feet smiling at the vision I could still clearly see before me. A warm breeze blew through the trees. It was almost too warm for this time of year. It washed across my skin, warming me from the outside in. I hate that I didn’t bring my camera. I hardly ever bring it with me anymore. I need to fix that. I should have had it for today.  _

_ Instead all I have is my phone and the pics will never do this moment justice, so I decided to write about it instead. My hand brushed across the rock as I stared across the water. “I still love you Waves.” I whispered into the air as it picked up again rustling the leaves in the tree. Almost as if responding back, I heard a dove cry out from nearby. Sometimes I wonder if you still feel just a little like the way I do. It’s wishful thinking. I know that. Everything’s changed except for the way I feel about you. _

_ I came home the other night while you were talking to Wynonna on the phone. I could tell by the look on her face and the silence that quickly descended on the room, she was talking to you. She never had to say a word. The silence gave me a brief moment to hear your voice again. It was nice to hear you happy. It’s all I ever really wanted. It took me too long to admit that. I smiled at her letting her know it was quite alright before leaving the room to give you both privacy. _

_ I’m headed to look at a new place after my shift. I love your sister dearly, but I feel staying with her sometimes puts her in a tough spot. I never want her to feel like she can’t talk to you just because I’m around. I never want you to hesitate on calling her because I could be there. You two need your relationship. She’s my best friend and you are the love of my life. I told her last night. She took it personally at first. You know Wynonna, reaction first, thought process later. There was an appreciation in her eyes when I finished my explanation. We both knew this day would come. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ After I explained everything, we agreed to a new tradition. Breakfast together at the diner across town at least once a week. Can you believe she’s actually working with a special forces division? From what I’ve been told she’s really good at her job. Reckless sometimes, but it’s what’s made her such an asset. She just knows when to pull something crazy. It makes sense. How many antics did she pull us into while we were dating? _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Remember when she convinced us that no one went to Devil’s Creek at night? “Dude, the cops don’t even check it at night. They’re creeped out by the name.” So what did we do? We sneak down to the creek on the hottest night of summer and strip down leaving our clothes on the bank as we stepped into the cool water. I ran in first dunking under the surface emerging with a grin that was quickly replaced with a look of awe.  _

_ You were bathed in moonlight and nothing else. I couldn’t stop staring at you as you walked forward to the edge of the water slowly walking in. It was as if the waters stilled to admire your beauty along with me as you walked in. The tips of your hair broke the surface as you walked deeper in. Only then did the water seem to resume its flow. Nothing before, nor anything after could compare with you in that moment. My mind erased of every thought as my body warned in the water. I was frozen in place, unable to even breath for fear it was a dream. Our eyes never broke from each other. Even when you reached forward, your chest fully illuminated by the moonlight. It wasn't your body that had captivated me. It was what I had seen dancing in your eyes. The words revealed to me behind those brown orbs spoke volumes even though we had not spoken them.  _

_ “What’s wrong Loverboy?” You whispered it, fearful that the woods would hear us. Your hand reached up caressing my cheek.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Artemis has descended from the sky and is standing before me.” I stuttered on the words.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I am the moon?” You questioned me giggling. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “You are the moon, the stars, and the sun of my world Waves.” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “You’ve seen me naked before Nicole.” I knew you were teasing me. I knew this was your attempt to break the moment in which both of us felt that was something stronger than either of us forcing us together. It didn't work. I was still dumbstruck. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ I didn’t know how to tell you that in that moment I finally realized just how deep my love for you ran. I still don’t honestly. I tried to find my words. I tried so hard to tell you right then that I loved you, but the words failed me. I think you knew, though you would never admit it. When your lips pressed against mine, the kiss was different. It was deeper, slower, and more passionate that I could have expected. Tears of happiness fought to escape as I wrapped my arms around your waist picking you up in the water twirling you around. You felt it too that night. You loved me back. I was starting to find my words. The moment would never be as perfect as that. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Waves, I…” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ And of course that’s when Wynonna turned the lights on the truck on honking from the road that ran beside the creek as she yelled out the window, “Oh my god you perv, that’s my baby sister.” I pulled you against my chest to cover us both. “What the hell Wynonna?” I yelled out as you laughed against my chest vibrating into my ribs and entering my heart.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Don’t get pulled over on the way home. Driving while indecent is a crime. Losers.” She yelled once again. She waved my shirt out the window before driving off laughing. I quickly glanced over realizing she had stolen our clothes while we weren’t looking. “Your sister is an ass.” I whispered to you. You never stopped laughing, “At least you had a choice in her being your friend. I was stuck.”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ We drove home with my jacket tightly wrapped around your naked form. I had to admit you looked adorable in it grinning at me from the passenger’s seat. Unfortunately all I had was a pair of shorts. As each car approached, you would lean over covering my chest so no one could see. “That view is only mine.” You would say each time.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ I still haven’t fully forgiven Wynonna for that. Not for the suggestion, but for not waiting just another five minutes. I wanted to say it then with the lights of the fireflies dancing around us. Everything laid out, nothing hidden.  _

_ I never deserved you Waves. You never deserved what I did to you. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ I’m carrying the camera with me again in the patrol car. Today I drove by the creek and stopped. The wildflowers are in bloom and the bees are hard at work.  _ _  
  
_

_ \--------------------------------------------------------------------------- _

_  
_ Waverly pulled the pic from between the pages. White flowers lined the background blurring in and out of focus as the honey bee gathering pollen came into perfect focus. She smiled down at what she would consider the perfect shot. “I knew I loved you as I watched you descend into the water. It’s why it took me so long to join you Loverboy. Nothing would ever be as handsome as your smile as you stared back at me. For the first time in my life I felt actually seen.”    
  
No one could hear her. She was alone at the homestead, but saying it outloud relieved a weight she had not known she was carrying. She picked up her phone and quickly typed a message to Nicole.    


WE: In the end, you get what you deserve Loverboy.    
  
NH: Want to sneak down to Devil’s Creek tonight ;)   
  
\---------------------------------   
  
I grab Waverly’s hand linking her fingers in mine. “You ready?”    
  
“You didn’t tell Wynonna where we were going tonight did you?” Her eyebrow quirks as she asks.    
  
“Me? You’re the one living with her. You didn’t slip up did you?” I cock my head to the side interrogating her just to hear that giggle that gives me life.   
  
She kisses my cheek before I feel her fingers tugging me along, “Come on Loverboy.”    
  
I watch as moonlight bathes her skin once again. She is just as mesmerizing as she was fifteen years ago. The frogs croak into the night air as the fireflies provide the only other source of light. “Scared of a little cold water?” She teases as she drags me forward. The water splashes around us as I drag myself out of the memory. She’s here. She’s real. She loves me.    
  
I run into the water, her light screams echoing into the night as I wrap my arms around her waist lifting her out of the water and twirling her around. As I sat her back down, I saw the stars reflect and refract in her eyes. She curls up against me no doubt chilled from the water despite the heat of the night. I feel it. It’s there. This time I’m not wasting it.    
  
“You, Waves, are still the moon, the stars, and the sun of my world. I love you in ways I was never sure I would be able to show you. So tonight, let me try.”    
  
My lips moved to her neck gently kissing my way up and along her jawline. I feel her pull closer, her fingers pressing into my skin. I pull back seeing the desire in her eyes. When I push forward to connect our lips her palms flatten against my chest. I stop my movements afraid I’ve done something wrong. “Do your worst Loverboy,” she whispers spurring me on.   
  
I know the water of the creek is not the same water we waded into that night. Technically it could be due to the rain cycle, but unlikely. Much like us, a lot has changed, but tonight as I feel her body shudder against mine as gasps invade my ears, I can’t help but feel we are finally finishing what we started that night so long ago.    
  
As I drop her off at the homestead, Wynonna is heading out for the night. She glances over at my wet hair and Waverly’s. “Devil’s Creek?”    
  
“We had unfinished business thanks to you.” Waverly shoves Wynonna’s lightly before heading inside the homestead.    
  
“Eww dude.” She stares daggers at me. I’m still unsure exactly what she wants me to say here.    
  
I shrug my shoulders as the only explanation that seems appropriate.    
  
“Hey Loverboy, get in here and clean up.” Waverly’s voice drifts across the driveway giving me a reason to run to her again.   
  
“Not in my bathroom!!” Wynonna yells back at us. 

“That’s fine, we’ll just use your couch instead.” I yell as I run through the door.    
  
“Goodnight Wynonna.” Waverly yells back before slamming the door shut and locking it.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next week can be summed up as two things: Moving out and I love the Nedleys.
> 
> I'm curious how you guys feel about my desire is to interconnect little Easter eggs in the story. How are you guys liking that approach?


	6. Me & Ur Ghost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even when you move on, some ghost still linger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, our normal posting schedule is about to go sideways. When it was announced we were getting the new season on July 26th, I started counting the weeks on the calendar. I really didn't want this AU to still be open when new content was pouring in, so I've decided to speed things up a bit. 
> 
> This chapter is probably the last, sort of, light hearted chapter before we dig deep. We do explore the moment Nicole could have revealed everything to Waverly instead of setting them down the path they are on. Feel free to use the idea of the mason jar of movie tickets. I have not did that, but plan on starting it (You know once we can do things like that again). I honestly struggled with the idea of what exactly Nicole was going to have in the last box at the bon fire. Then I got this mental image of Wynonna staring at what was in that box and laughed so I thought everyone might find it entertaining she had a stash of those.
> 
> Thanks to my wife for being my harshest critic and making me a better writer because of it. Thanks to FaithSky for reading bits and pieces of this whole thing before I glued them together. How that doesn't drive you insane is beyond me.
> 
> As always comments and kudos are greatly appreciated and keep me writing. Catch me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dreamwalking_78) or on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/geckogirl9)
> 
> There is also a playlist to go with this fic if you are interested. Some of the songs I reference are a little obscure, but you can [click here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7Hto32jzGV6AYFyYqTqu5F?si=6qsPv2NqRVmsUH8PUBzfUQ)

_ “What’s this box in the corner of your closet?” Wynonna’s voice inquired as she pulled it out with raised eyebrows, a mischievous smile danced across her face. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I glanced down at the box before panic struck me. “Just load it Wynonna, don’t worry about the contents.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ It was too late. My demeanor had given away the fact it was more than just a box I had prepacked. Wynonna shook the box just enough to shift the contents. I reached out for the box before she yanked it out of my grasp. “Wait did I just find your toy stash? Jeez you’ve got to store this shit better.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ As she opened the lid her laughter died out as she stared down into the box. A brief chuckle faded into the quiet morning as her face blanched. I shifted so I could see what had first caught her attention. It was the picture of us from the drive in movie we went to that June night. Below it was the shirt I had bought when I came to visit you and forgot my overnight bag, the other contents, all reminders of our relationship. I knew Wynonna recognized what was in her hands as she carefully moved each item. “You kept all this?” Her eyes met mine questioning my motives, my reasoning, but also questioning my ability to move on. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Yeah Wy, I did.” I shifted back across the room sitting down in the only chair left in the room. The rest were already moved into my new place. This was the last load. When her hand landed on the journal she picked it up so that I could see what she was wordlessly questioning.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Remember when I started academy, how I was able to start moving on and quit drinking?” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ She nodded, still silently waiting for my answer. “It wasn’t just the training. I started writing down things. To her. I deal with everything, by writing in that. I know it seems crazy or stupid or whatever you want to say about it, but damn it Wynonna, it worked. I can deal with still loving her in the journal and continue my life as normal.” _

_ Her eyes shifted back to the leather cover carefully studying it. There was a reverence she had for the pages this time as she placed it back into the box. “I always wondered how you dealt with it so well.”  _

_ She picked up the box and headed to the truck to carry it out. She paused in the doorway turning back towards me. “You know we’re having a bonfire tonight behind the homestead. If you need to rid yourself of some of these memories, fire can be cleansing.” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I looked up smiling, knowing my friend was trying to help me continue moving on. She understood, but yet she still doesn’t. I will never move on from you. I just learn to live with it. “I’ll consider it.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ As I grabbed the chair I was sitting in, I looked around the room that I had made mine since high school. I would miss having Wynonna this close, but maybe this was a growth on my part.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “What’s that box?” Chrissy’s voice echoed into the living room from outside the apartment.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Precious cargo I believe.” Wynonna’s lack of jokes had Chrissy questioning why this one was not labeled vibrators or porn as so many of my other boxes had been vandalized with those exact phrases. I saw her lift the lid of the box briefly, her shocked expression was quickly schooled when she noticed I was approaching.  _ _   
  
_

_ \----------------------------------------- _

_   
_ _ As we stood in my new living room, I thanked Wynonna, Chrissy, and Nedley again for their help. “Are you sure you got this?” Nedley’s hand landed firm on my shoulder as he looked around at the few boxes. “I’m just afraid all of your things won’t fit in here.” His eyebrow raised as he looked around at the still mostly empty house.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “I have a few things ordered that will be here soon.” I smiled as he shook his head.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Maybe we should have thrown you a housewarming party.” His gaze shifted back to Wynonna. “Or a divorce party since she seemed to get custody of most of your stuff.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Daddy, you barely have a clue what you need. Do you think someone like Lonnie would buy her anything but beer?” Chrissy loves nothing more than giving him hell. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Oh!” Wynonna exclaimed running out the door to her vehicle before returning. “I got you a housewarming present.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I looked down at the 6 pack of beer missing half of its contents. “Thanks, I think?”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Wynonna where’s the rest of her beer?” Chrissy stared hard at Wynonna, her hands firmly on her hips. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “She lost custody of it in the divorce. Bon fire tonight RedHaught, don’t be late.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ \-------------------------------------------------------------- _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I found myself drawn to that box. I opened the lid placing the journal to the side. I held the picture of us smiling at the memory of watching V for Vendetta. I still can’t believe I convinced you to watch that movie. Little did I know you would love the movie as well. Watching you cry and grip me tighter as the story of Valerie and Ruth played before us, only enforced that I was not alone in the feeling of realness it brought to us. Remember Remember the 5th of November. The irony of that date would haunt me for years.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ My hand landed on the glass jar inside that held every ticket to every movie we saw that summer. I smiled thinking I could easily display this memory without anyone suspecting anything. I picked up the shirt remembering arriving at your dorm as the rain beat down. As I reached into my backseat I realized my bag was still sitting on my bed. I ran to your room drenched wet from the storm. You greeted me with a warm kiss quickly wrapping me in your bonus blanket as you scrambled to find anything dry that would fit me.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Your sweats were more like capris on me, but you had stolen one of my shirts to sleep in. That at least fit. When we woke up the next morning we ran down to the bookstore on campus and grabbed the essentials of what I would need. You told me I looked cute in your university’s colors. Our picnic plans at the lake were ruined, but holding you as you studied ancient languages was a perfect substitution.  _

_ Your arm draped over my leg as you nestled into my chest reading. I leaned against the wall watching the wind dance through the fall leaves of the campus. As the music of “When September Ends” flowed through my headphones, my mind drifted to the news you had the night before. Next semester, you were headed to London. I knew I couldn’t afford to go with you, no matter how much I wanted to. I would never hold you back either. It was then I started thinking I had to let you go.  _

_ Stephanie Jones had already been asking questions about my trips to see you. More than once I heard her snickering about us when she thought I wasn’t around. The rumors were already starting. I hated working for her family. Her friends would spend all day doing whatever they wanted while I worked with her father to run their farm. He was never grateful. I was so glad when they fired me. Being without money sucked, but watching Stephanie have to load bales of hay, was worth more.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Your fingers started tracing light patterns against my skin breaking the trance I had been in. A devious smile spread across your lips as you tried to stay focused on the section of Latin I had noticed you reading for the third time. I leaned forward kissing your neck, listening to the gasp of surprise as I ran my fingers down your thighs. “Mmm...you seemed so distant Loverboy. What’s distracting you?” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ That’s the moment. I’ve replayed that conversation in my head so many times where I just told you the truth and laid everything out for you. I’ve played thousands of scenarios of how it could have went differently. None of that matters. I shove the shirt off to the side staring at the pictures littering the bottom of the box. You were always game for whatever photo idea I came up with. I couldn’t help the smile that was plastered across my face. Then I came across one that stopped me. My heart sank and suddenly I felt empty as I stared at the image shaking in my hand. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ The last photo I took of you I thought would be the photo that started forever for us. Instead it would be a reminder that I wasn’t enough. The way the wind blew your skirt, the smile on your face, book in hand as you sat at a bistro table just outside the cafe. As beautiful as that image is, the ones that come next still haunt my nightmares. I realize now that you were exactly where you needed to be. Coming home then, it would have killed your spirit. You wanted to see the world, to fully experience it. I took enough from you the first time. I never should have tried to take more a second time. I pushed the picture to the side and dug further down until I came across another picture that stopped me. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ You were sitting on the tailgate of my truck at sunset wearing my cowboy hat. The yellow buttercups surrounded your ankles as the sun dropped behind the mountain. The way the light shone, it silhouetted you making it impossible for someone to know exactly who was in the picture. The composition, lighting, everything was perfect about this shot. Chrissy had mentioned using my own photos as artwork. As I stared at this one, I realized it wasn’t a bad idea. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Everyone was so afraid I wouldn’t be able to handle living alone. Joke was on them. I’m not alone, it’s just me and your ghost. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ \--------------------------------------------------------------------------- _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Haughtdiggitydog, you made it.” I could tell Wynonna was already gone by the way she greeted me. Her eyes focused on the box in my hands before refocusing on it once more. “You ready to cleanse shit.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Yeah, I think I am.” I laughed as I walked forward dropping the box in favor of the beer Chrissy handed me. A flash of concern crossed her face as she looked at me. It seemed as if the words were there, but she wasn’t about to say them. I took a swig looking around.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Whattaya waiting on Haughtstick? Throw that shit out.” Wynonna’s words were starting to slur as her nicknames failed as well. I shrugged, turning just in time to see Chrissy with a flap of the box in her hand. She dropped it quickly when she saw I had noticed her digging into the contents. A cheshire grin spread across her face as our eyes met. “Yeah Nicole, time to let go huh?”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I lifted the box up, but not without searching Chrissy’s face. When she had found out about us, she had been our biggest supporter jumping up and down screaming, “Knew it!!” Something about her being okay with me throwing out the box didn’t set right. I shook away the thought and turned chunking the box into the fire. Wynonna’s shouts and whistles echoed across the night as it burst into flames, quickly disintegrating into ash. I slumped back down into the camping chair next to Chrissy as Wynonna reached out to pat my shoulder. She missed almost falling completely out of her chair.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “That’s some interesting memories you threw away tonight.” Wynonna had already turned back to her other friends at the fire, oblivious to our conversation. Chrissy’s voice carried a dare with it. Admit what was actually in the box or else keep telling a lie. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Chrissy Nedley, you snooped through my box.” Her smile only widened as I spoke. Honestly it felt good to let someone else in on the secret, so I smiled back. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “I knew you wouldn’t set fire to the one thing you loved the most.”  _

_ Her smile quickly faded as I caught sight of Hulk Hogan’s image burning in the fire. My face contorted as my head cocked to the side trying to figure out exactly what I was looking at. I glanced over to Chrissy who had sunk back into the chair nervously gulping down her beer. Her wide eyes met mine as it dawned on me what she had contributed to the fire. I went to speak but she held up her hand stopping me.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “I won’t tell Wynonna you burned a box of her old Playgirls if you won’t tell Daddy I burned his collection of wrestling magazines.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Deal.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ \---------------------------------------------------------------   
  
Waverly thought back to the day in Nicole’s bedroom when she saw the canvas hanging on the wall. Any residual doubts she had about Wynonna’s story were erased. As she had spent more time at Nicole’s place, she had noticed most of the work adorning her walls was her own. Quite a few Waverly was sure held other ties to their past, such as the bee picture taken at Devil’s creek she had already encountered in the album. At least now the mason jar of movie tickets on the shelf made sense.    
  


An idea struck her as she looked around the barren walls of her bedroom. For the last month she had struggled with a way to decorate the newly renovated space. Maybe she knew the perfect person to ask. For the first time in many years having the ghost of their previous relationship surrounding her didn’t sound like a bad idea. 

  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------   
  
I rushed to the door quickly opening it to let Waverly inside. She had a key, yet insisted on knocking. I quickly kissed her lips before turning towards the kitchen, “Hey Waves, sorry dinner is about to burn, gotta grab it. Make yourself comfortable.”    
  
I ran to the oven reaching for my mitt while opening the door feeling the heat overtake the room. I can hear Waverly’s soft footsteps coming into the room. “Whatcha burning over there Loverboy?”    
  
I scoffed as I pulled the dish from the stove. “I have not burned it.”    
  
I could hear the slight giggle she let out as she moved across the room to where I kept the wine selection. “Okay, fine. What are you not burning then?”    
  
“If you’re not interested in lemon garlic chicken then I can always call your sister…” I turned smirking as her jaw dropped.    
  
“Nicole Haught, how dare you?”    
  
She walked to the fridge reaching into the back to grab my favorite bottle of moscato. The girl knew me well. She grabbed two glasses before joining me at the table. “I do have a favor to ask of you.”    
  
“What’s that Waves?”    
  
“We finished the renovations to my bedroom this week.”   
  
“Yeah Wynonna mentioned that. Granted her description was a lot more colorful. Something about a perfectionist who couldn’t make up her mind delayed the project's completion.”   
  
Waverly rolled her eyes as she dug into dinner. “Anyways. I need artwork for the walls.”    
  
“Waves, I can barely draw a stick figure. Artwork is not my department.”   
  
I looked up in just enough time to watch her eyes land at various spots around the kitchen and visible walls from the living room. She was staring at the canvas of my photos. “I think it is Nicole. Just not the painted type.”    
  
“You want my photos in your room?” I had stopped the fork midway to my mouth as the words washed over me. I shook my head, “Let me help you find some places with better work..”   
  
Her hand landed on mine. My eyes glanced down to it before my eyes met hers. The warm smile and love in her eyes derailed any train of thought I had on the tracks. There’s something about your work being wanted, sought out by someone you care so deeply for that brings out a sense of pride no one can erase. “I want your work Nicole. I want to see things through your lens, the way you do.”   
  
A blush colored my cheeks causing me to look away. Her hand squeezed mine bringing my attention back to her. “Are you okay with that?”    
  
“Absolutely Waves.”    
  
It would be nice to have her input on the artwork I had planned for our new house, even if she thought it was headed to the homestead. Even if she didn’t know about our house yet. I hope she says yes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The image of Wynonna finding a vintage stash of vintage Playgirls, flipping through it her eyes bugging out was what inspired what Nicole threw in the fire. 
> 
> The house is coming together in the fic. Just like us, it's getting really close to being finished. The question remains, what will Waverly think? And why did Nicole start the plans even before Waverly came back to town? And exactly why did she come back to town? I've got a lot to answer and a short time to do it.
> 
> We've touched a little on things Waverly has went through while spending time apart. Next chapter, we deep dive into a moment with her that was heartbreaking for me to write. It was so raw. Next two chapters take us on a whirlwind of emotions especially if you listen to the songs the titles inspired while reading them. The last two, well I do promise happy endings...


	7. Didn't I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All the times we should have ran back to each other in the middle of the night (or The importance of knowing WHEN to intervene)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to start speeding up the releases on this fic. There is a lot of angst in this fic. For some, it might be too much, and I understand. The next two chapters are going to be the final ones to take you through an emotional hell. Everyone reacts to things differently, but as a writer, I will tell you the scene involving a bridge was emotionally devastating to write. Which is quite a statement considering the next chapter we...well you have to wait for that. 
> 
> I don't come outright and address it in the fic, so I want add this in. Mentally, I picture Nicole and Waverly have been dating different people throughout the fifteen years of separation. It would be unrealistic to think otherwise. I don't see any of the relationships ever becoming serious except this one, which is why it made the journal. For the first time one of them sees a relationship and someone who truly loves them and realizes it's not enough. The other person is perfect in every way, but that bar, set by the their previous lover, just won't be reached. 
> 
> Thanks to my wife for being my harshest critic and making me a better writer because of it. Thanks to FaithSky. I know what you were dealing with when I wrote this, and you were along for the ride anyways. 
> 
> As always comments and kudos are greatly appreciated and keep me writing. Catch me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dreamwalking_78) or on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/geckogirl9)

_ Eight weeks. That's all it took for me to realize I love you. So many times I have questioned how I knew that quickly. Was it puppy love? Am I only remembering the good? Summer lovin? _

_ Today, it's been 8 years since I pushed you away. It's an anniversary I will mark alone. In the last eight years I have accepted that you were the only person I would ever love like that. Not saying I haven’t tried.  _

_ I am in a relationship. Her name is Shae. Like you she’s extremely intelligent. She’s the new ER doctor. She’s had to patch me up a few times already. She’s sweet and caring. She even puts up with drunk Wynonna when I have to drag her in for injuries.  _

_ The way she looks at me tells me exactly how she feels about me. I can see it in her smile, the way her eyes develop a certain twinkle when she’s looking back at me. I want to love her like that. I want to give her everything she’s giving to me. Part of me loves her. The other parts of me know it’s not the same as what we had. I haven’t been able to give myself over to her completely. I probably never will. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “So the hot ER doc? How’s that going?” Wynonna drinks her coffee while poking at her omelet at the diner. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Shea’s great. How’s Dolls?”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Wynonna simply grumbles.  _

_ “So guessing we’re not talking about that either then.”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I’m just saying that it’s nice to finally see you with someone again. She cares about you.”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “She is intelligent, caring, and such a wonderful person.” I can’t make eye contact with Wynonna just yet.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “But she’s not my sister.”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ There it was. The part I had left unspoken when asked about Shea, but always heard in the back of my mind. Sometimes I hated the fact Wynonna knew me so well. “Is she happy Wy?”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Haught.” Her voice acted as a warning shot. I slumped my head down against the table. “I thought you were past this.”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ My voice was undoubtedly muffled as I refused to look up. “Eight years.”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ I finally raised my eyes to Wynonna’s bloodshot ones. “Eight years in three days.”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Wynonna simply nodded. “Is that why we’re a depression Annie right now?”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I get to live in my hole of self-pity for a week. When it’s over you can yank me out of it.” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Okay.” Wynonna’s smile was almost infectious. Her idea of yanking me out of it was getting me so drunk at Shorty’s I would puke up the memory of you into Gus’ upstairs toilet. God Gus puts up with so much out of us. I’m surprised she continues to let us in her bar.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “No karaoke this time.” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “The video of you drunk singing Jose Curevo was a huge hit at the Christmas party last year.” Wynonna took a bite of her omelet. Her eyes widened as she chewed it. “Why is this so good this morning?”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Could you still be drunk?” I offered watching her inhale the next bite. She shrugged and kept shoveling in bite after bite.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I have a date with Shea Tuesday night.” I casually mentioned before taking a drink of my coffee. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I make shit decisions daily Haught, your job is to be the reasonable one.” She finished chewing finally before pointing her fork at me. “You know that’s a horrible idea when you’re like this. You’re moody, grouchy, and in general intolerable.”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “You on a normal day.” I grinned over the top of the cup just to be glared at.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “More like me when Gus cuts me off. I can barely stand you. Call it off and save the relationship.” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “It’ll be fine.” I rolled my eyes at her overdramatized statement.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “No. It. Won’t.”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ I hate that your sister knows me so well. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Shea knows about you. It’s a small town and people talk. Guess we weren’t as good as we thought at keeping it secret or else things just come out over time. Doesn’t matter. She asked me about you the other night at dinner. I’m sure the drain of color from my face gave away how unprepared I was for that conversation.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Why won’t you talk about her?” I just shook my head at the question refusing to meet her eyes. She had no idea we were only one day away from the date I crashed that ship and set fire to it. That made it even harder.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Nicole, you can talk about her with me. It’s okay.” There was a plea hidden deep in her voice. Please tell me about your past.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “She’s Wynonna’s sister. We dated one summer and tried to keep it hidden. Didn’t work out so well. I broke up with her. Last I knew she was somewhere in Asia.” I rushed the words out hoping to appease her. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “She was your first.” Shea took a sip of her wine, once again waiting for a confirmation from me that I was unsure about giving. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “First what?” I chugged the beer a little more than I should have. The cold felt good washing against the back of my throat. The feel of it brought a prickle to my tear ducts causing them to produce moisture for another reason than they had been fighting to do.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “First love. Nicole, you know about my past. I want to know yours.” Shea’s final plea hit my ears bouncing around my skull. Each hit brought back another memory of you until I was no longer in the same room as her. I was in the front seat of the truck, you were sleeping against me as we drove back from a picnic. I was at the Rialto feeling your hand slip into mine for the first time. I was in your dorm room, you snuggled up to me reading your ancient languages book while I listened to music watching the autumn leaves rustle in the wind.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Nicole?” Her voice seemed smaller. As I looked over I could see the hurt on her face. I could see the twister I had let loose across her landscape of emotions destroying everything it came in contact with. The broken look on her face had my mind screaming to reach out and comfort her. I just needed to reassure her it was the past and it didn’t matter. Except it did.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Shea, my past is something I don’t talk about for this reason. It brings pain to anyone or anything that comes near it. Please just don’t bring her up again.” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Her face changed at that moment. I saw the wall being built around her heart. I couldn’t let her in, and I was being evicted. I didn’t blame her. I know what’s coming and I deserve it. It seems I hurt everyone that dares to care about me. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “We’re all a little damaged. If they can’t take the damaged with the good, they don’t deserve you.” Nedley imparted those words of wisdom on me before I left the station this evening. He means well, but it’s hard to believe. Nedley’s partial to me. Chrissy has admitted that on multiple occasions so his objectivity is slightly skewed.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Tonight as I watched the ice cubes swirl around in the glass now empty of Jameson, I can’t help but laugh at the absurdity of the situation. I’m hung up on a girl that I fell in love with at eighteen. We were young and stupid. Why have you been the mistake I can’t live down?  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Know that I...Know that I still care for you.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Tell me why good things have to die? _

_ \--------------------------------------------------------- _ _  
  
_

Waverly shut the journal leaning her head back against the couch. Seven years ago she was in London. She was standing on Westminster Bridge staring at Big Ben. Tears streamed down her face as the phone rang. She willed her sister across the miles to hear it and to pick up.    
  
“Baby Girl!” Wynonna’s excited voice bounced across the line causing Waverly to sob even louder. “Wait, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”    
  
“Please…” Waverly pleaded into the cold night air. “Please tell me she misses me.”    
  
“Waverly...I”   
  
“Fuck Wynonna I know you don’t want to get in the middle of it. I know that. But I can’t get her out of my head.” Waverly screamed into the phone.    
  
She took a couple of deep breaths trying to calm her own nerves. Her voice still trembled as she spoke. “I swore I saw her here once before. Last night she invaded my dreams. She was there with me. It felt so real, I could feel the heat of her skin against mine. It was so real. I just ran out of a fucking bar leaving my friend’s birthday party behind because I swore I heard her laughing.”   
  
Waverly continued crying listening to Wynonna’s breathing on the other end of the line. If she listened close enough she could swear she heard Wynonna pinching the bridge of her nose as her mouth would open and then close again.    
  
“Wynonna please.” Waverly begged into the night once more.    
  
“Waverly, you made me promise.”    
  
“Break it.”    
  
“No.” Wynonna’s voice was soft but it quickly rose. “No Waverly. If you want to know so bad, you can come back here and ask her yourself. Baby Girl, I love you but you’re drunk. You’ll regret this tomorrow.”    
  
Waverly cried out. Suddenly her stomach turned. She ran to the nearest trash can emptying the contents of her stomach into it.She stumbled back to the rail holding herself up. The cool of the stone felt good against her heated skin. Sweat broke out across her skin. Her hand flexes around the phone reminding her that Wynonna is on the other end.    
  
She brings it back up to her ear. “Nonna.”    
  
“Call a cab Waverly and go home. I’ll call you tomorrow.”    
  
“Okay.”    
  
She wasn’t that far from home. She finished her walk there falling asleep face down on the bed. She woke up the next morning with a headache from hell. She groaned into the comforter as the sunshine coated the bed she was laying across. She heard the familiar text tone of her phone.   
  
WY: How are you feeling today?   
  
Waverly: Like a Routemaster hit me   
  
WY: Still have the same questions as last night?   
  
Waverly: No. Unless you are pain meds I’m not interested in anything   
  
WY: Didn’t think you would be.    
  
She thought back to the evening on Gus’ porch after she came home when Wynonna finally broke down and told her the truth about Nicole. There were so many missed chances. She thought about it a little more reasonably. Two things could have happened. Best case was she flew back to Purgatory the next morning. She would have ran straight to Nicole who was technically still in a relationship at that point, though she could surmise how that would have played out. The more realistic version is the next morning at Heathrow she would turn around at the gate and not board the plane.

She grabbed her fuzzy white jacket and rushed out to her Rubicon driving through the night to Nicole’s place. As her wheels skidded against the gravel in the drive, a devilish grin smirked across her face. She pulled her shirt off leaving it in the passenger’s seat. She stared at her bra for just a moment before shedding it. She wrapped herself in the jacket smirking into the rearview mirror.   
  
She walked onto the porch knocking on Nicole’s door. She waited as she heard Nicole’s footsteps hurry towards the door unlocking it before opening it.   
  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   
  
I opened the door to Waverly standing on my porch. Immediately my mind raced to the reasons she would show up unannounced. “Waves, what are you doing here? Are you okay?” 

Her hands press hard against my chest shoving me back inside. I start to stumble but quickly catch myself. I hear the door slam shut. I look up seeing her smile widen as she presses her shoulders against the door; her fuzzy white jacket opens to reveal a stretch of perfectly tanned skin. I can feel my mouth start to water and a throbbing sensation start between my legs as I realize there is nothing under the jacket. I want to run forward my hands grasping bare skin as my mouth moves to her neck, but I hesitate. Instead, I feel my tongue dart across my lips as I look back up meeting her eyes   
  
“Waves?”    
  
“I can see it across your face Loverboy. Just how bad you want me. It’s almost as bad as I’m wanting you.”    
  
I surge forward following my instincts. Her fingers run through my hair as her gasps bring life to my body. The sore muscles I had felt from a rough day on patrol suddenly felt fine. I pushed the jacket off her shoulders as she ripped my shirt off of me, buttons flying across the floor. I reached down to her jeans unbuttoning them. Nothing greets me. Silk, cotton, any fabric at all. I broke the kiss I had started meeting her eyes. “Commando?” She grins wickedly back at me.

\--------------------------------------

“Do I get to ask what spurred this idea?” Waverly’s head is resting against my chest. Both of us are exhausted from the physical activities of the last few hours. She simply smiles back at me lightly kissing the skin between my breasts.    
  
“This is for all the times we should have ran back to each other in the middle of the night.”    
  
“Sometimes I wish Wynonna would have intervened sooner.”   
  
“Yeah,” she breathes it out into the quiet of the night. “Do you think we would have listened?”    
  
I wish I could say I haven’t thought about it. The truth is I have too often. “No.”    
  
“Why not?”   
  
“We were always better face to face Waves. I almost didn’t call you that summer, that’s how bad I am with signs.”    
  
I feel her raise from my chest. “Wait, what do you mean?”    
  
“Waves I was enamoured with you. The thought of you liking me back...it didn’t exist in my mind. You were just being nice to the outcast kid. I was friends with Wynonna. We were night and day. So when I read what you wrote in my yearbook, I almost blew it off. Something told me not to. I’m glad I listened.”   
  
“So this.” She pointed between us, “almost didn’t happen because you never believed you were enough?”    
  
I nodded chuckling, “I still don’t believe I am at times.”    
  
“When did you finally start to believe I actually liked you then?”    
  
“Remember when I stumbled over the chair at the Rialto while going to get popcorn?”    
  
She buried her face into my chest. “Yes, then you caught me watching your ass as you walked away.”    
  
I smiled, “Yeah, that moment it became real.”   
  
I kissed her temple working my way across her face until she was a fit of giggles against my chest. I leaned my lips to her ear stopping short. “The Loverboy nickname, just sealed the deal.”    


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, we go dark. I'll add warnings to the beginning notes of it so you know what you're getting into. It's the final piece of the puzzle. I took a direction that some of you might not agree with, but I promise I explain it and there's a reason. Something has to snap inside Waverly. Something must change for her to finally return home. A heart stopping moment and a mystical reunion will bring us to where we need to be. 
> 
> Hit up the comments and let me know what you're thinking and any predictions. As you know, I sometimes hint towards our final destination when responding.


	8. In The Air Tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes the universe conspires with time. The results are life changing for those who experience it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: GUN VIOLENCE IN THIS CHAPTER (to avoid it all together skip down to Nicole's perspective.)
> 
> With that being said, yes, this is the chapter is what I've been referring to as the snap. There's a bit on time frames that will need to be explained, but it's REALLY hard to explain it all without giving away all the future chapters. I'll say this though, from the time of the snap until Waverly decides to return to Purgatory is around three months. I've also ended the chapter on a much happier note that leads us to the next chapter. I think you'll like it...A LOT. That happy ending is coming up!!
> 
> Thank you guys for sticking with me through this fic. I know there's been a lot of angst and longing, but the ending should be worth it. I said it on Twitter and I meant it, coming home from work and getting to answer your comments has been one of the best things ever. Also if you're looking the version of In The Air Tonight I listened to while writing this, I originally heard on Lucifer. Natalie Taylor is the artist. It haunted me after I heard it for the first time (in the best way possible). 
> 
> Thanks to my wife for being my harshest critic and making me a better writer because of it. Thanks to FaithSky for coming along on this crazy ride we call my writing process.
> 
> As always comments and kudos are greatly appreciated and keep me writing. Catch me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dreamwalking_78) or on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/geckogirl9)
> 
> There is also a playlist to go with this fic if you are interested. Some of the songs I reference are a little obscure, but you can [click here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7Hto32jzGV6AYFyYqTqu5F?si=6qsPv2NqRVmsUH8PUBzfUQ)

_ Your life moves in slow motion when you hear the gun fire. I was ready to return fire, but instead Wynonna jumped the bar knocking the guy to the ground. I dropped my weapon as she subdued him. It was only when Nedley grabbed me that I realized I was falling, then the searing pain set in. I slumped to the floor feeling as if my side had been ripped open. “It’s okay Nicole. Medics are on the way.” I could tell from the look in his eye that he was worried. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I laid back listening to him yelling orders at Lonnie through my radio. The man could never walk away from the job. Partial retirement was the best we could talk him into. Gus was suddenly there beside me bar towels under my head as she stroked my hair. Wynonna threw the cuffed suspect at Lonnie as she yelled, “Be useful for once and take care of this.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ She was quickly by my side as things got a little fuzzy. “Come on Nicole, stay with us until the hot medics get here.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I remember trying to laugh, “They’re all gu...OWW!” I curled as the adrenaline continued to wear off and the pain increased. I stayed conscious the entire time. It’s funny what you remember sometimes. How ironic was it that our slowest day up until that point was a full moon? I should have known something was about to go wrong. _

_ As I was being loaded, I closed my eyes for a moment to breathe. I heard Wynonna’s voice whisper just outside the door. “Tell me she’s going to be fine. I cannot call my baby sister and tell her…” The door slammed shut before I could hear the end of it. I strained so hard wanting to know what she said. Like anything she said would change what we were.  _

_ As Jason, the medic, worked beside me, he turned to me. “You have a lot of friends out there Sheriff.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Yeah I do.” I hissed as he worked on me. “How bad?”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ His smile faltered for just a moment, “It’s not good. I just need you to stay with me.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Ok.” I felt myself getting colder and immediately fought the fog that tried to crowd my brain. I focused on the sound of the ambulance as it felt like we were traveling full speed. I felt my eyes start to droop, “Come on Nicole. I need you to stay with me.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ My mind raced with one thought, I have to stay alive to see you one more time. I can’t let London be the last time. As memories of you flashed through my mind reminding me of exactly what I was fighting for, my ears picked up on a sound coming up behind us. It’s a sound I know beyond a shadow of a doubt. One I had heard every day for the last twelve years.  _

_ “No.” I whispered as Jason looked up. For the first time since I was loaded, his face showed an inkling of a smile. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Good news for your cruiser, Nedley is driving. Bad news is Wynonna is riding shotgun.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I had a vague memory of seeing us pull into the hospital. I think I could hear the door open, though I could no longer see it. A sea of shouting rose up from around me. I think I heard my name. I know I tried to respond, but the darkness was surrounding me.  _

_   
_ _ \------------------------------------------------------------------------ _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I was sedated. I know that now, but in the moment it was real. I dressed in a black formal suit walking in the field. It was night time just like it was years ago. The buttercups were once again in full bloom. The moonlight reflected around me. There was something in the air of that night that felt mystical. I started wandering aimlessly as the breeze picked up. It was only when I felt a warm hand on my shoulder that I paused. My eyes slowly closed as I breathed in the fragrance I still had memorized. “Waves?”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I turned to find you there in a mermaid dress, stunning turquoise beads layered on top of ivory silk. A wonderful chiffon blossomed at the bottom. As I turned, the hand on my shoulder slowly worked up my neck before landing softly on my cheek. You looked so confident until I met your eyes. There in those orbs of reflected moonlight, I saw fear. “Waves, what’s wrong.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ You tilted your head to the side as you spoke, “We’re not supposed to be here.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Here? The field?” I couldn’t help the smile that was across my face. I didn’t care how or why you were there touching me. The only thing that mattered was you were there. My eyes glanced across the field before returning back to you. I put my hands on your hips pulling us closer. You smiled looking down for a moment before nodding the confirmation to my question. “It’s not time yet, but soon Loverboy.”  _

_ “It won’t be soon enough for me. I’m still in love with you Waves.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ You smiled, a look of relief flooding your face. “I know.” You whispered, your voice almost cracking even in it’s softened state. “I still love you too.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Fight Loverboy.” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “To be with you, I’ll fight anything that tries to stop me. I’m not going anywhere without you.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I heard you laugh that soft innocent laugh I adored having vibrate against my chest. “Perfect.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I shook my head lightly as my forehead rested against yours, “No Waves, this is perfect.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ With that I leaned in our lips touching. That spark, the fireworks, the electricity that always coursed through me when with you, hit me all over again. I opened my eyes just in time to see stars in the sky shooting around us. I looked back at you with sheer wonder and amazement. You pressed your finger to my lips bringing my attention back to you. “Just a little longer Loverboy. I’m making my way back to you.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “I’ve been waiting for that moment all my life.”  _ _   
  
_

_ \-------------------------------------------------------------------------- _

_   
_ _ When I awoke next, Wynonna was passed out in one chair, drool running down her face. An empty cup of coffee cradled in her arms. Nedley stared back at me from over his newspaper. “Gave us a bit of a scare Sheriff.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Not my intentions.” He grumbled something as he reached for his phone squinting as he attempted to type. Using a keyboard had never been his forte. I had spent hours watching him trying to henpeck the letter keys as he worked on reports. Obviously his texting skills were just as bad. “What have they told you?”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ He looked up from the phone meeting my eyes. “Hang on, have to update Chrissy. She’s been on my case to make sure she knows the moment you woke up.” He hit one more button before setting the device down.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “This will take some time to heal. They were a little concerned about you not waking up as soon as they had hoped. I’ve already let the staff know you’re awake now. You’ve been fighting to wake up for about ten minutes now. Your doctor will be in here shortly. You’re going to be off work for a little while. That’s an order from the acting Sheriff, so don’t try to circumvent it.” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I let out a long breath as I looked around at the machines, tubes, and wires hooked up to me. This much equipment could not be a good sign. Nedley rose up from the chair, his hands landed on the side of the bed. I sensed it was more to steady himself than anything. Up close I could see his eyes were bloodshot. His face looked as if it had aged ten years since I had last saw him. He shuffled a little, grunting as I could tell thoughts ran through his head. “Whatever it is sir, you can tell me.” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “They-uh... they did lose you for a minute. They shocked you back to the land of the living, but that...the important thing is you’re awake now.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I died. My brain froze. The kiss. That was the electric shock I felt. Was that an out of body experience the entire time of that? The dream was so real. I know my face changed and eyes widened at his words because I felt his hand quickly cover mine. “You’re a helluva fighter Nicole. I knew you’d come back for her.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I stared at him blankly letting his words soak in. Somewhere during my absorption of everything, Nedley’s sleep deprived mind caught up to what he said, “I-uh.” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I squeezed his hand to get his eyes to finally focus on mine instead of outside the window trying to find a way to not screw up his next sentence. “You’re not wrong.” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ He bristled his mustache at my comment. “Still.”  _

_ A snore that would have woken anyone sleeping peacefully on our floor roared forth from Wynonna’s mouth. Her eyes quickly opened as she stared up at Nedley standing beside the bed. I have no doubt she was about to blame the snore on him when she realized I was finally awake. Those thoughts were lost in hugs that squeezed too tight and threats that I better never scare her like that again. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ It was only after I was at home recovering that my mind slipped back to the dream. Even if it wasn’t real, I made you a promise. “I’m here and I stay.” I said softly into the night air. I fell asleep staring at the canvas in my room smiling. If that field ever comes up for sale. I don’t care the amount, I’m buying it.  _

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Waverly wiped the tears that had started streaming down her face the moment she started the passage. She threw her head back against the chair as she took in a deep breath. “Nope, nope, not going to do this again.”    
  
It was that night in Spain all over again. She had been out celebrating Carnival with her colleagues when the call came in. She ignored it at first. She’d call Chrissy back later. Then her phone started ringing again. Chrissy was never that persistent unless... “Chrissy?” She screamed above the crowd.   
  
She could barely hear her above the roar. The only two things she could make out was Chrissy’s frantic voice and Nicole’s name. She quickly made her way down a side alley that was less busy. “Chrissy slow down.”    
  
“Nicole was shot at Shorty’s last night. They rushed her to the hospital. She’s awake now Waves. She’s pulled through it, but they did lose her for a moment. I know you two have a complicated history. I know that, but I also know my best friend would want to know. Wynonna and Daddy are with her.”    
  
Waverly’s stomach twisted into knots. No, just no. She fell against the stone wall, sliding down until she hit the ground. Her body shook with cries she let out as she let the reality set in. Nicole had died. Her being felt torn in half. Despite the celebrations around her, everything was crashing down in her life. Her heart felt ripped from her chest as she struggled to breath, the panic attack overtaking her.    
  
Chrissy’s calming voice came across the phone, “Breath with me Waves.”

“She died.” Waverly’s watery voice whispered into the phone.   


“But she’s alive and recovering.” Chrissy reassured, fighting hard to keep her own feelings in check knowing how bad Waverly needed her to be strong in this moment.   


She had broken down herself when she heard Nedley’s radio come to life that night with the old man’s voice. She had heard him many times over the years. Calling in domestic disputes, livestock missing, and even once a suicide. She had never heard the fear coat his voice so thick and so scared before. She could hear him choking down the tears to make sure everything was handled as he continued calling out. “Sheriff down! Send EMT!”   
  
“She...I…” Waverly continued sobbing her knuckles white from the grip she had on the phone. Her hands, much like the rest of her body, was unable to stop shaking.    
  
“She’s going to be fine Waverly. She’s a fighter. You know that.”    
  
“Say it again Chrissy.”    
  
Chrissy softened her voice, knowing what was needed. “She’s going to be fine.”    


“Again.”    
  
For the next twenty minutes, Chrissy would continue repeating that same mantra as Waverly slowly calmed down. Finally Chrissy heard Waverly’s breathing even out. “Do I need to pick you up at the airport?”    
  
Waverly sighed into the phone. The thought had already struck her to buy the next plane ticket back to Purgatory, wrap her arms around Nicole, and never let go. It was quickly replaced by other thoughts. What would she find there? Who else would she find standing beside Nicole’s bed? It had been so long, did she even have a right to just show up after something like that? What would she even say? “Sorry it took you getting shot for me to finally come back to you?” How terrible of a person was she to let that be the reason?    
  
“No.” The answer came out more of a question than an actual statement, “I’ll let you know but keep me updated as often as possible.”   
  
“Of course.”   
  
As she slept that night, dreams of Nicole laying in a pool of blood making gurgling sounds flooded her mind’s eye. She tossed and turned waking up in cold sweats. More than once she found her head hung over the nearest trash can, too weak to make it to the bathroom. No matter how many blankets were piled on that night, she could not get warm. The bonus blanket she needed wrapped around her the most was miles away in a hospital bed. 

Once in her sleep, she dreamed Nicole was there holding her. Vanilla washed over her as she took in the scent that was so completely Nicole. She had whispered into her chest. A breeze blew through the room causing chills to race across her body, but for once she was warm. She snuggled closer to Nicole, her arms squeezing tighter around her. The warmth radiated from Nicole’s body as it always did on a chilly night. Everything felt so real. “Don’t leave me.”    
  
As the memory of that night suddenly flooded back Waverly’s eyes shot open. She remembered what the mirage of Nicole had said to her that night in Spain. “I’m not going anywhere without you Waves. I’ll be here when you come back down.” Waverly froze in her spot. The words were identical. Waverly heard the exact phrase in Spain Nicole had uttered while somewhere between the living and not. Whatever transpired that night had allowed each of them each to find a moment together. A moment that always haunted the back of her mind. 

In the morning light she put her demons to bed once more. Chrissy had updated that Nicole was set to be released home in a few days. She read the text over and over, committing the words to memory. Part of her felt guilty for not jumping on a plane. The reasoning part of her brain begged the question, “and do what when you get there?”    
  
Chrissy sent morning and nightly text updates on anything she found out from her own visits or Nedley’s. When Wynonna did finally call Waverly, she started with an apology. Before she could finish, Waverly stopped her from launching into the full story knowing she could not handle hearing it again. “I already know Wynonna.”    
  
“Wait...how?” Wynonna’s voice was riddled with guilt. Not only had she not called Waverly about one of the most important people in her life, but she had to find out from someone else.    
  
“I have my ways.” Waverly’s tone stayed smooth needing this call to go as easy as possible. “I’m not going to lie, I’ve been furious that you didn’t call me. When you said you were staying out of the middle, I don’t think this is what either of us had in mind.”   
  
“Fuck baby girl, what was I supposed to say? ‘Oh hey I know you guys kinda hate each other, but your soulmate died on the operating table last night after some kid fucked up on acid shot her.’ 

Waverly huffed into the phone not happy with the answer.

“I wanted to call you, the moment the doors slammed closed on the ambulance. I wanted to call you while she was in surgery, but they were so busy saving her we barely got updates until she was in the room. Then she wouldn’t wake up and...I couldn’t tell you she had kicked the proverbial bucket.”    
  
Waverly let Wynonna’s words sink in. One specifically, soulmate. “What if that was it Wynonna? What if my last chance to see her was jumping on a plane that night and holding her hand as she passed? If you truly think she’s my soulmate, didn’t I at least deserve that?”    
  
“She would not have wanted that to be your last memory of her. If you’re being honest with yourself, you know that you didn’t want that either. Holding the hand of someone you love and hate so much, but being unable to resolve any of it because she was dying. Twenty-four hours elapsed from the shooting until she woke up, that’s it. At best it’s a seventeen hour flight, you would have arrived just in time for her to wake up and be stressed about whatever ensued from there between you two.” 

As much as she was pissed at Wynonna for not being the one who called her, she also knew her sister was right. In the end Chrissy had known exactly when to call. The silence on the line was deafening. “You are right Waverly. It should have been me that called you. I fucked that up.”    
  
Waverly sighed, “Tell me she’s on desk duty for awhile.’   
  
She could almost hear the smile cross Wynonna’s face. “She’s trying to refuse Nedley, so instead she gets to do speed traps with me.”   
  
“Your division doesn’t do speed traps.”   
  
“We do when we really just want to take a nap.” 

Spain began to lose it’s appeal soon after. Honestly, so did everywhere else. She would finish the rest of her lectures scheduled scattered through different countries never finding the feeling she had always found before. Nothing felt right anymore. Then she walked into Wynonna’s office, saw the flash of red hair, and instantly everything was right with the world.   
  
Even now, in lust-addled states, Waverly’s eyes were always drawn to the scar on Nicole’s abdomen. The first time she really let her eyes focus on it, tears threatened to spill over. Nicole had lifted her chin up, “I’m right here Waves. I didn’t go anywhere.” That scar reminded her that they were given the gift of time. Time to heal old wounds. Time to fall back in love. Time to do and say what they should have years ago.   


Her phone vibrated as Nicole’s goodnight call from the station came in.    
  
“Hey Waves.” Nicole’s voice softly wafted through the phone to her.   
  
“Hey Loverboy.”    
  
“So furniture shopping tomorrow?”   
  
“You don’t have to Nicole. You need sleep after your shift. I can just take Wynonna instead.”   
  
“You know how much help your sister will be. I’ll be there. Just give me a few hours to catch a nap and I’ll be ready.”   
  
“Are you sure?”   
  
“To spend time with you, absolutely.”   
  
Waverly looked down at the journal, her hand resting on the cover. “I’m sorry I kept you waiting so long.”    
  
The line went silent for a moment. “I would have waited a lifetime for you Waves. Goodnight. I love you.”    
  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 

__

“You’re going to let her pick out furniture for the homestead.” Wynonna continued eating from the bag of free popcorn as Waverly flitted around the showroom.   
  
“Yep.” I couldn’t help but smile as I watched Waverly test the furniture and hold up the paint color swatches she had picked out against each design.    
  
“Then you’re going to have the furniture sent to her dream house you are building in the field she absolutely loves.”   
  
Waverly signaled to me she had found the perfect headboard. I had given a thumbs up before elbowing Wynonna to look up. A greasy, buttery thumbs up was given as Wynonna tried to smile with her cheeks stuffed full of popcorn. Waverly rolled her eyes and continued to the mattress section, another giddy smile plastering across her face as she skipped across the store.    
  
“Yep. The house is completed actually.” I grinned as I watched Wynonna finish off the bag.    
  
“Yet she has no clue that the house exists and you haven’t even asked her to move in with you. What makes you so sure she’ll agree to all this?”   
  
“Fifteen years apart.”    
  
“I don’t follow Haughtdog.”    
  
“Fifteen years apart and neither of us could forget the other. We’ve talked so much about lost time, that I know we’re on the same page. No more missed chances, no more holding back. We’re all in.”   
  
“You seem confident in that. What if she changes her mind?” Wynonna’s grin faltered as she looked over to see all the blood drain from my face. “Dude, I’m yanking your chain. You two have been making sickening heart eyes at each other since you were in school. She loves you.”    
  
“I need to ask you for one last favor, Wynonna.” I shifted uncomfortably as nervous energy radiated across my body, partly fueled from the anxiety Wynonna had induced moments before. This was the second scariest thing I would be doing anytime soon. “I need you to interfere with our lives again.” 

Wynonna’s expression almost soured. I could already hear her, “Not again. I interfered and then had to invest in ear plugs to live in my own house.” Before that sentence could leave her mouth I kept going.

“She’s almost to the passage that I wrote about buying the field and building the house there. The moment she reads it, I need you to call me and give me time to get there before you bring her to it.”   
  
“So just whoop there it is?”   
  
I reached deep into my pocket while Waverly’s back was turned and placed the ring in my palm. I slowly lifted it as I watched the salesperson approach her. As they started to talk I knew I had minutes. I flashed my hand open watching until Wynonna’s face completely changed, her jaw hanging open. I quickly deposited the ring back into my pocket before Waverly could turn around. “You’re DEFINITELY going all in.”    
  
“I should have asked her in London. To hell with what I saw. I screwed that up. I should have jumped into a speeding car and tried to stop her at the airport before she boarded that plane while I was in academy. I should have never given up. I’m not screwing this up again. I just need your help one more time. So do we have a deal?”    
  
Wynonna’s smile became wider as she rocked on her heels, “You want me to interfere again?”   
  
I rolled my eyes. “Yes Wynonna, that’s exactly what I’m asking. Will you help me or not?”    
  
Her arm slung across my shoulder pulling me into her side. “Of course I got you Haughty. But that couch she just picked out will never work on the nights I need to sleep one off. You get to fix that. Also one other thing. Do you want to explain to me why my vintage stash of Playgirls has been replaced by National Geographics?”    
  
“You took my coffee maker in the divorce, so I took your precious.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it on the angst. Seriously, we're done with it. It's all rainbows and butterflies from here. 
> 
> I will say chapters 9 and 10 will be released REALLY close together because while chapter 9 wraps up the journal part of the story. I have one last trick up my sleeve on chapter 10. It answers the questions once and for all on who else has been working for fifteen years to get their favorite idiots back together.


	9. How Long Will I Love You?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How long will I want you  
> As long as you want me to  
> And longer by far

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As for the journal, this chapter wraps it all up in a nice neat little bow. Yes, there's one chapter left with answers to questions that I did not fulfill here. I will post it very, very soon. I just want this chapter to have a moment to shine before the next one hits. It only seemed fitting to name this chapter after an Ellie Goulding song. After all, the original fic was called Hate Me. The irony I ended up releasing it the same day her new album came out that features Hate Me as track, just serendipitous I suppose.
> 
> I'm going to do the sentimental here. It has been an absolute pleasure writing this. I was allowed to imagine a world that included elements of my own, then shared it with all of you. I was fully prepared for this fic to be rejected. It definitely wasn't another Haught Mess. So much angst, time jumps, and even change of perspective was daunting to write. I was afraid it was too much. Instead it was embraced. Thank you so incredibly much for that. 
> 
> Thanks to my wife for tolerating nights of me being deep in my laptop, completely lost to the outside world. For all those mornings you were fine with me sitting at the coffee shop for hours working on this. Lastly thanks for buying me a new laptop for my birthday when mine physically broke when I opened it. You understood how much writing has meant to me. 
> 
> Thanks to FaithSky. There were so many things going on, that honestly if you couldn't have been here for this fic, I would have understood. Instead, you were there for every detail of it. A true friend.
> 
> Catch me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dreamwalking_78) or on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/geckogirl9)

_ Remember the field we parked the truck in that night to watch the sunset over the mountain? Then we fell asleep in the bed waking up to a sky full of stars? Remember how much you loved that field in the spring when the buttercups would bloom surrounding that perfect cluster of trees? The land is for sale. I made an offer on it, and today it was accepted.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Wynonna questioned me at least five times a day on why I was buying it. I hate that your sister knows me so well. How often have I written those exact words in this journal? It’s true though. She knows my motives always come back to one day having another chance with you.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I’ve made plenty of excuses, but the truth is I bought it for you. It’s stupid, I know. Everytime I picture where I’ll be in five years, I keep seeing you and me standing on the front porch of our house, the yard covered in vibrant yellow blooms as we look across the field. My truck will sit in the driveway and on quiet nights we still sneak out there and watch the moon rise and the stars shine. The yellow flowers surrounding us reflecting the moonlight off their incandescent petals waving in the wind.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ It’s been nearly fifteen years since we’ve seen each other. Granted it’s been less since I’ve seen you. Fifteen years and part of me holds out the most miniscule sliver of hope possible. Time has dulled the ache I once felt. Over the years I’ve created a new normal to my life. The only person that mentions you is Nedley. The man has a sixth sense. He has to. How else does he know the exact moment to bring you up? Today for instance. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Heard your offer on the field was accepted.” He mumbled as he filled his coffee cup across the breakroom from me.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Yep. I sign the paperwork on Friday.” I took a sip of the hot liquid hoping the caffeine would flow through my system quick enough for whatever was coming next.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Pitching a tent out there or are you actually putting down a foundation?”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “I’m sorry sir?” I looked up confused at what he was getting at. I made a mental note to talk to Chrissy later just in case. His brow knit in confusion as he tried to find the right words. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “I’m just saying don’t you think it’s time to build a place of your own instead of renting whatever place this town has to offer?”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “It’s a field.” I replied, my eyebrow quirked up. “Cows have made it their home for quite some time. I haven’t had time to give them their eviction notice.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Dammit Nicole I know it’s a field. I’ve seen the house plans you’ve had hidden in your desk for years now. Build the thing.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “How did you..?” He waved, cutting off my sentence.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “I was looking for a case file on that string of robberies four years ago. I had thought it was the layout of the local buildings and thought I’d look it over. A second set of eyes if you will. I didn’t realize until they were open, what they were.” He couldn’t quite meet my eye until he went to take a sip of coffee. The look was fleeting but genuine. “Sorry.” _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “I had those plans drawn up for two people living there. There’s only me sir.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “So use the spare room you had marked as a library for her as a home office. Give you less reasons to stay here so much.” His eyebrows shot up into his hairline. I could tell he didn’t mean to mention you. He had planned on dancing around the subject.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I smiled back at him. The last thing I wanted was to make him uncomfortable. “Not a bad idea.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ As his sigh echoed across the empty room, his fingers threaded through his hair pushing it back. His mustache twitched as if he was about to speak. He instead headed for the door leading back into the lobby. “Build the damn house Nicole. The sheriff needs a place of their own to live in the community”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Hi Daddy!!” I heard Chrissy’s voice ring across the office. “Gus sent you dinner.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Liquid?” He asked hopefully as she frowned at him.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “You know better.” She scolded as he rolled his eyes.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Take it to my office. I’ll meet you there after I steal one of Wynonna’s beers.”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Daddy!”  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “She drank my Irish whiskey. It’s only fair.” He reasoned as he walked off.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Once back at my desk I pulled out the house plans. Remember that one you found in a magazine that you fell in love with? You hung that picture on the wall of your dorm room the day you moved in. I had searched until I found the floorplan. I paid a small fortune to get my hands on it, but it was worth it to build your house...no, our house.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ I stared down at the plans before folding them back up. Nedley wasn’t wrong. I needed to find my place in the community and put down more permanent roots. I had been living on broken dreams for too long. I’m going tomorrow to find a builder. It might have been your dream, but it became mine too. Why should I hold back any longer? _

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Waverly gasped, dropping the journal to the floor. “No...she didn’t.”    
  
She quickly picked it up from the spot it had landed rereading the entry. Tears filled her eyes as she mouthed the words to herself. She flipped back through the pages finding the picture of the field covered in buttercups with the grouping of trees to the side. She pulled it free holding onto it tightly as she flipped to the last passage once again. Her hand was shaking causing the image to blur even more as each tear slipped down her cheek.    
  
“She never gave up on you coming home. Quit has never been in her vocabulary.” Wynonna’s voice broke through Waverly’s thoughts causing her to jump at the sudden interruption. She turned, picture still in hand. She watched as Wynonna pulled out her phone quickly typing a message before replacing it in her pocket. 

She moved to Waverly’s side pulling her into a hug. Waverly grabbed Wynonna’s arm hanging on. Wynonna kissed the top of her head before speaking again. “Staying out of it when it came to you and Haughty was the worst thing I could have done.That’s why when she asked for my help this time, I agreed.” Waverly looked up confused at where this was heading. “What did you do Nonna?”    
  
“She asked me to text her the moment I knew you had reached the end of the journal.” Wynonna offered a shrug and a half smile.   
  
“Why?”   
  
Wynonna pulled her phone out glancing at it. “Before I answer that, you have to get in the Jeep with me. No questions.”    
  
“What are we waiting on?” Waverly’s expression changed to one of determination as she waited for Wynonna’s agreement.   
  
Wynonna offered her hand to Waverly, pulling her from the couch. Waverly quickly rushed to the Jeep, Wynonna close on her heels. They were silent the entire ride until the tires of the Jeep turned down a very familiar road. Waverly’s heart raced as she saw the completed house for the first time with Nicole’s truck in the drive. Everything she had been scared of once, all of the hurt, the sorrow, even the anger left her body because pacing the porch of her dream home, was Nicole. No. Their dream home.    
  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
I knew it was coming. She was so close to the end that I had started preparing what I was going to say. For the last ten months she had slowly worked her way through the journal. Wynonna’s text came at the perfect time as I was just leaving the station. I had started carrying the ring with me after our last encounter fully aware that each day could be THE day. I quickly raced to the house checking multiple times that everything was perfect. I had planned to propose in front of an empty house if I had to. Luckily the furniture Waverly had inadvertently picked out had arrived earlier this week. At least there would be something to show her. As I tried to calm my nerves, my mind went back to the journal.

Each passage gave us a chance to repair the damage and understand that we suffered together despite being alone. It had given us a purpose to live fully in the moment, loving without restraints. I cherished the new memories we have made while reliving the old. No one will ever compare to Waverly Earp. I knew that at eighteen, but now at thirty-four I have been reminded of it once again. I could see the dust cloud on the road before I could see the Jeep. I felt sick and excited at the same time. Adrenaline coursed through me as I prepared myself to either have the happiest moment of my life or the worst.    
  
I could tell by how it approached that Wynonna was driving. In a strange way it was only appropriate she was there. It was her that finally stepped in the middle of the mess we had made and began cleaning it up. Before the tires could finish skidding to a stop, Waverly hopped out of the passenger’s side door. I could see the reddened eyes and tear stained cheeks. I panicked. What if this wasn’t what she wanted? What if I was wrong?    
  
Wynonna hopped out of the driver’s side leaning against the door while Waverly rounded the front of the vehicle walking cautiously towards the porch. She stopped at the bottom of the steps staring up at me with a storm of questions behind those hazel eyes. “You...you own the field?”    
  
I chuckled nervously. “Yeah Waves. I own the field.”   
  
“You built…” She took a large gulp of air pushing down the emotions she was fighting. Honestly I was becoming more terrified by the second that I had mistaken that what we felt was the same. “You built my dream home...in my dream field? For us? You built our dream home?”    
  
I nodded a half smile coming across my face. “Yeah I did.”   
  
“You didn’t even know if I would ever come back. I could have been married somewhere else for all you knew. I could have never came home, Nicole. Then you would have been stuck in this house with the ghost of what we could have been. Why?” She choked back a sob before finishing her tone softening to a whisper, “Why would you do that?”    
  
I reached down taking her hand into mine as I led her up the steps. “Deep down, I knew I would never love anyone else the way I love you. No matter how hard I tried to forget or move on, I always knew the ONLY person in this world I wanted to share a future with...is you.” I could see her smiling as she shook her head at me.   
  
I took a deep breath. It was do or die time. As I sunk to one knee her hand covered her mouth. I reached inside my pocket grabbing the ring box and opening like I had practiced so many times in the last few weeks. “Waverly Earp. I screwed up the first time and let you go because I thought I was doing the right thing. It has been my biggest regret ever since. I won’t repeat the same mistake I made sixteen years ago. I have loved you for almost half my life. I want to turn that into the rest of my life. Waves, will you marry me?”    
  
The world stopped. It had to. There was no other explanation for how time stood still as she whispered the words I heard next. “Yes Loverboy.”    
  
The goofy grin that plastered across my face was only matched in hilarity by my inability to put the ring on the right finger. Her right hand reached out helping me as I stumbled through placing it on her hand. Once the ring was in place, firm hands grabbed my collar yanking me up from my position. Waverly crashed our lips together in a frenzy of emotion. I could feel the excitement radiating throughout me as her fingers reached the spot on the back of my neck. All the lost time, the pain, the regret suddenly disappeared because she said yes.    


We pushed away both gasping for air, smiling wider than ever before. We both started laughing our excitement spreading across to one another in a never ending loop. Waverly glanced in the window almost doing a double take. “Is that the furniture I picked out for the homestead last week?” I smiled simply nodding at my fiance. God was it amazing to finally be able to say that. “All of the furniture I picked out?” I caught the twinkle in her eye as she said it. I began to laugh, “Yeah Waves. All of it.”    
  
She leaned in her lips brushing just against my ear. “Let’s break in that new bed Loverboy.”    
  
“EWWWWWW!!!! THAT’S MY BABY SISTER YOU PERV!!” Wynonna’s screams echoed across the open field. “Congrats on finally pulling your heads out of your asses, but I’m done here.”    
  
We both laughed as she jumped into the driver’s seat of the Jeep slinging gravel as she accelerated down the road. Waverly turned back to me, her face glowing. “So where were we?”    
  
“I believe I was about to take the future Mrs. Haught to inspect her new bedroom suite.”   
  
”Hey Loverboy.” Her voice was soft.   
  
“Yeah?” I whispered back.   
  
She pressed her forehead against mine, her arms fully circling my neck. “There’s a thin line between love and hate.”   
  
“This time Waves, I’m sealing my fate with you by my side.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know how you watch a movie and it has this ending. You think, "Yeah that works. I'm satisfied." The suddenly out of nowhere after the credits, you see a new scene start. You sit back down in your seat, a shot of adrenaline coursing through you as you realize you're getting more content. You are literally on the edge of your seat because what else is left? What is so important that it gets its own moment? 
> 
> I've never did this with a fic. Then my muse hit me with an idea that I could not turn down. We're heading back to Prague. Approximately thirteen months before the proposal, we'll find out who convinced Waverly return home. For almost the entire fifteen years they were apart, there was a plot to bring them back together. Timing is everything.


	10. No Such Thing As No Regrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some questions are best left...answered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sit down in my comfy chair, opening my laptop. I crack my knuckles as the screen loads. A grin covers my face as I absolutely cannot wait to see your reactions to the final chapter. So please, please leave comments letting me know if you saw this coming or just what you think.
> 
> I pulled the title from a Mary Chapin Carpenter song called "Almost Home." It felt appropriate.

**Current Day**

Nedley slid into the booth across from Chrissy. She looked up from her phone acknowledging her father’s presence. “Hi Daddy.”    
  
“Princess.” Gus walked up dropping off his usual beer before turning to return to the bar. He was left with his mouth hanging open.   
  
“Don’t worry I have already ordered your salad.” Chrissy smirked across the table watching Nedley grumble into his bottle. She waited until he was done griping before she spoke again.

“So she’s showing her the house tonight? That is the reason she left the station in such a hurry right?”    
  
Nedley didn’t look over at his daughter as she asked the question instead he grunted before answering with a simple, “Yep”    
  
“And proposing?”    
  
Nedley grumbled a little. Interrogating was supposed to be his job, not Chrissy’s. If there was one of his traits he wished she hadn’t gotten, it was that one. He huffed out his answer, “Yep.”   
  
“Do you think they’ve figured out we had anything to do with it?”    
  
At this the old man smiled. The corners of his mustache almost reached his eyes. “Those two idiots? Not a chance.”    
  
“Don’t call them idiots Daddy.” Chrissy admonished him lightly while starting to smile herself.   
  
“Waverly is one of the brightest minds in the world when it comes to history and languages. Nicole is the best sheriff I have ever met. She’s better than I thought about being at her age, but when it comes to love, they’re both idiots.” He took a drink from his beer turning sideways in the booth in an attempt to end the conversation.    
  
“I still can’t believe you got her to build the house.” Chrissy prodded a little more. She had wondered exactly how Nicole had been convinced.   
  
“I have my methods.” Something had bothered him since he had joined forces with his daughter to finally reunite his favorite idiots. One detail still stuck out. “Exactly how did you get Waverly to come back to Purgatory?”    
  
“I have my methods” Chrissy replied before almost falling over laughing at the amount of grumbling coming from behind the beer bottle sitting across from her. Something about genetics not being able to be denied.    
  
**About Thirteen Months Before**

“So world traveler, where’s your next adventure?” Chrissy stared down at her freshly painted nails as she waited for her best friend’s reply to come through the phone.    
  
“I don’t know honestly. I have a few offers, but nothing feels right you know? I’ve just finished the last of my engagements.” Waverly walked across the Old Town Square of Prague smiling at the children running past her.    
  


“You don’t have anything planned out? Who are you?” Chrissy had a feeling she already knew what was happening. She had noticed the enthusiasm her friend usually oozed over her work slowly dissipating.    
  
Waverly laughed, “I decided to try to something new for once.”

  
“Why don’t you go somewhere you haven’t been in years?” Chrissy offered.    
  
“Do you have somewhere in mind?” Waverly stood in front of the Astronomical clock watching as time passed her by.   
  
“How about the mystical, historic town of Purgatory. They even have a bar Wyatt Earp drank at.”    
  
Waverly started laughing at Chrissy’s description of their hometown. “Oh trust me I know the history quite well. I’m not ready to come back Chrissy.”    
  
“Waverly, it’s been fifteen years since you left. I know why you don’t want to come back, but you should consider why you NEED to come back. Gus, she isn’t doing so well. Her surgery is coming up soon. At her age, being put under comes with risks. Do you want your last memory to be a phone call where she fusses at you before hanging up?”    
  
Waverly froze in place staring at the clock ticking away the minutes. It had been fifteen years. As feisty as Gus had always been, Waverly had noticed she sounded more and more exhausted each time she called. She realized that maybe, it was time to go home. As she looked up at the clock, her eyes locked to the figure of death shaking the hourglass. The timing was creepier than she wanted to admit.    
  
“Is she still there?” Chrissy knew who Waverly meant. No explanation was needed.    
  
“Yeah Waverly, she’s still here working with Daddy.”   
  
Waverly swallowed hard before finding the courage to ask her next question. “Is she seeing anyone?”    
  
Chrissy grinned into the phone. “No Waverly, she isn’t.”    
  


A long exhale echoed across the line. “Gus was going to hire someone to run the bar while she was out. I’m sure it’s going to cost her a small fortune. Maybe...maybe you’re right. I could save her some money and figure out what’s next for me.”    
  
“I’m sure she would appreciate it. She’ll object to it, but she’ll appreciate it.” Chrissy’s grin only widened as she realized it was working.    
  
“Don’t tell anyone Chrissy. I want to do this at my speed.” Waverly’s voice firmed in her resolve. She glanced at the figure of lust before smirking as she recalled her dream from two weeks ago. A flash of red hair danced across her mind’s vision causing her to freeze in place until Chrissy’s voice returned to the line.   
  
“I won’t. Just call me so I know when to pick you up from the airport.”    
  
“I will.”    
  
Nedley walked in the door as Chrissy set about making another call. “Hey Gus, yeah I need a favor. Look when Waverly calls, you have to give in. Just don’t make it obvious.” She left the voicemail and looked over at her father. “Well?”    
  
“She’s building the house. Met with the contractor today and placed stakes so they could see where it was going.”    
  
“Waverly’s coming home to take care of Gus.” Chrissy smiled as her father gave her a knowing look.    
  
“Think it’ll work? Doesn’t Waverly still hate Nicole?” He asked    
  
Chrissy just laughed. “Hate doesn’t ask if she’s single.”   
  
  


\----------------------------------------------------------------------

Waverly snuggles into Nicole’s side a little closer as they swing in the hammock staring at the constellations. “Want to go to London?”    
  
Nicole quickly quirks an eyebrow. “We can if you don’t mind mosquito bites you won’t be able to scratch in public.”    
  
Waverly smacks Nicole’s chest giggling as she snuggles back down. “I was sent an invitation to lecture in Bristol.”    
  
“Okay.” Nicole simply replies, kissing Waverly’s temple. 

Since returning to Purgatory, Waverly occasionally still jets off to lecture, always coming back home, rushing into Nicole’s arms, and loving her so deeply, the marks take days to fade from her shoulders. Safely hidden by a uniform. This time she has a different idea.   
  
“Would you want to come with me?” Waverly winces already knowing Nicole’s duty to the town. “I’ve already asked Nedley. He’s more than willing to fill in for you. Something along the lines of getting you out of the office and from being so uptight.”    
  
Nicole relaxes, contemplating her options. “Are you sure you want me to go? This has always been your thing Waves. I’ll never stop you. You know that.”    
  
“This…” Waverly stops taking her hand to wave around at everything surrounding them, back to Nicole. “Is everything I’ve wanted. Showing you London in London.” A devilish smirk plasters across Waverly’s face. “Why can’t we make all the dreams come true Loverboy?”    
  
Nicole lets out a light chuckle. “I could be down with that.” Waverly looks up excitement dancing through her eyes at the response. Nicole quirks an eyebrow in a way Waverly knows means trouble. “Literally.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just love the Nedley family. Aren't they amazing, plotting individuals? 
> 
> With the new season starting, I'm going to stop releasing. I have plans to enter the EFA contest, so that will be out there. I appreciate everyone so very much for the comments, kudos, twitter likes, etc. It's been a pleasure for nearly a year now to release the worlds I see inside my head and find others enjoy them as well. It's been a positively shocking experience that I will always treasure. Thank you.


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